Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?
In
this
modern society, social networking sites have become widely used for connecting the community and accessing current affairs. This
writer believes that the benefits of getting various news
and facilitating global interactions outweigh the drawbavks
of potential social isolation.
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
To begin
with, people
now can communicate with others far easier
thanks to social Rephrase
more easily
media
which is an up to date
tool Add a hyphen
up-to-date
can
change the world. Correct pronoun usage
that can
For instance
, there are many apps that were invented to allow people
to keep in touch and share their lives regardless of distance such
as Facebook, and Instagram. Consequently
, those who live far away from home can now connect with their families, friends
on a daily basis without any fees.
In a similar way, accessing various Correct word choice
and friends
news
is becoming faster. This
is because social networking sites is
a broad system that consists of small pieces Correct subject-verb agreement
are
information
Change preposition
of information
collecting
from each reporter or journalist around the world. Wrong verb form
collected
For example
, there will be variety
of Add an article
a variety
news
events about different changes in many places that will be uploaded on the Internet everyday
. Correct your spelling
every day
As a result
, residents can get to know their country's situation and also
global problems.
However
, several media's
Change noun form
media
development
can lead to social isolation because Fix the agreement mistake
developments
people
immerse
in their virtual world that they cannot interact with others in reality. Wrong verb form
immersed
For instance
, the average time of using social media
among the young is over 7 hours per day which mean
they spend most of their time on the Internet Correct subject-verb agreement
means
instead
of communicating with friends or families but parents can limit their children's time of abusing social media
.
In conclusion, the disadvantages of social isolation is
outweighed by the increased of accessing various Change the verb form
are
news
and global interactions. Hence
, using social media
widely is a better way for people
to keep track of this
modern era.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
To enhance your essay and improve the task achievement, ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the advantages and disadvantages. Your body paragraphs should then fully develop each point with detailed examples and explanations. A balanced comparison between advantages and disadvantages, with a conclusion that reiterates your stance, would make your argument stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion, showing logical flow and organization through the use of paragraphs and transitions. To improve further, consider varying your linking devices more and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or reasons. Additionally, using a mix of simple and complex sentence structures can help enhance readability and cohesion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?