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Band 5.5

Many people around the world use social mdeia every day to keep in touch with other people and get news events . Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #mdeia #touch #news #events
Social
media
 have been used to keep in touch with other
people
 around the
world
 by many individuals. In my personal view, the positive aspects that using social
media
 provides for
humans
 is more outweigh the pessimistic aspects . In the modern
day
, technology develops fast and established
beside
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
humans
 use social
media
 to get in touch and spread their relationship network. Social
media
 helps
humans
 to update their knowledge
day
 by
day
.
Due to
, the
world
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 occurring every
day
 they need to provide more information around the
world
.
Another positive aspects
Replace the adjective
Another positive aspect
Other positive aspects
show examples
, the speed of searching for information on social
media
 is dramatically high and fast. It just needs a few minutes to know the news. It may help a busy person to get more easily in their life. What's more convenient and helpful, social
media
 helps
people
 to contact other
people
 quickly.
Therefore
 they can use social
media
 to update their status every
day
 or every minute so their friends and family can know what are they doing and are supposed to do.
Besides
 that, using social
media
 can help
humans
 to save their relationships in the past or the future.
For instance
, when
people
 lose contact with other
people
 they don’t spend too much time increasing relationships.
Due to
 the technology era, meeting up face to face is hard so
people
 can lose their relationships.
To conclude
, social
media
 brings a number of benefits to
humans
 around the
world
. Social
media
 has big and important impacts on human lives.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your stance and the main points you will discuss. Use a thesis statement for clarity.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with more detailed examples and explanations. Providing specific instances or data can enhance the strength of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to enhance logical flow. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence followed by explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases and words to improve readability and the sophistication of your essay. Use synonyms and varied vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
Revise grammar and sentence structures for clarity. The use of complex and compound sentences can demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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