Many museums charge for admission while others are free Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages

Nowadays, lots of
museums
where most ancient features are preserved are
establishing
Wrong verb form
established
show examples
.
Purpose
Correct article usage
The purpose
show examples
of all
museums
built
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is help to
people
recognize and
have
Verb problem
gain
show examples
knowledge about
history
.
Whereas
, some
museums
require
cost
Correct article usage
a cost
show examples
to visit
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
while
other
museum
facilities are free. In
this
essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will discuss about pros and cons of requiring admission to enter
museums
. On the one hand, all facilities need financial
suport
Correct your spelling
support
which is lots of money to develop and expand
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
range.
Although
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should invest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
builr
Correct your spelling
building
more
museums
,
people
should contribute to organisations especially
museums
which aggrandize
people
's education about their ancestors,
In addition
,
museums
should have
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
and
people
mabe
Correct your spelling
may
damage historical items.
For instance
, in some cases,
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
group of young children and some
people
entrered
Correct your spelling
entered
to
museum
withouth
Correct your spelling
without
any
promission
Correct your spelling
permission
and they collapsed the valuable antique vase and broke. On the one hand, some
people
say that they have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
to visit their country's
history
or science
museums
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
should generate
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
people
gain knowledge about their major
history
from
museums
.
For instance
, recently, there have built big
museum
where can
contain
Wrong verb form
contains
show examples
almost all
historical
Correct article usage
the historical
show examples
discovery
Fix the agreement mistake
discoveries
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
ancient
Correct article usage
the ancient
show examples
life of and
relate
Correct subject-verb agreement
relates
show examples
to
Mongolian
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the most notable king Chingis
khan
Capitalize word
Khan
show examples
who
could conquer
Wrong verb form
conquered
show examples
half of
mainland
Add an article
the mainland
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the world.
Although
my country's civils can know about the most
previous
Correct your spelling
precious
show examples
historical actions by
viciting
Correct your spelling
visiting
citing
that
museum
,
people
still have not entered it because it has high
expence
Correct your spelling
expense
to enter
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
. In conclusion, even though paying
cost
Add an article
the cost
a cost
show examples
to for
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
has diverse drawbacks
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
does not require
premission
Correct your spelling
permission
and fee,
people
can visit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
it whenever they want and obtain a range of education about their
history
, animals and nature
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
free, it has more superiority and one of them is we can develop
museums
by investing and paying
cost
Add an article
the cost
a cost
show examples
for it.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Try to present one main idea per paragraph, followed by supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (linking words) to help the flow of the essay and make the relationships between sentences and paragraphs clearer.
task achievement
Address the task directly by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of charging for museum admissions, and clearly state if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Work on clarity and specificity in your arguments. Be direct and concise in presenting your ideas, and ensure that the reader can easily understand your stance. Use specific examples to support your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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