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Band 5

It is becoming increasingly popular for school leavers to take a year off (a gap year) before going to university. Do the advantages of this outweigh any disadvantages?

#school #leavers #year #gap #university #outweigh
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In the modern era, many students prefer taking
1 year
Add a hyphen
1-year
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 gap before they enrolling university because they can enjoy their lives and experience diverse things
such
 as
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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, work experiences, and studies. In my opinion, the advantages of
this
 trend outweigh the demerits, and I will explain my reasons below. There are clearly a few demerits of having a break time on their study. The most notable one is that it will be
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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their
Change preposition
of their
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 time. Because, if their plan is not
clearly
Change the word
clear
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, they spend
this
 period useless.
Secondly
, their study flow was cut the flow.
Also
, starting study can be more
difficulty
Replace the word
difficult
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 and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 a good deal of time to get a high grade.
Due to
this
 reason, they have to review their subjects before
go
Change the verb form
going
show examples
 to university.
Last
 but not least, their graduation will
delay
Wrong verb form
be delayed
show examples
as a result
, they can not earn money earlier.
On the other hand
, some people assert that their view of the world
is expand
Change the verb form
is expanding
show examples
.
Additionally
, a closer examination would reveal that we can look back
our
Change preposition
on our
show examples
 lives.
Due to
this
 fact, we can construct
on
Change preposition
apply
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our future initiative and reflect on myself.
Furthermore
, they can concentrate
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
extra
Correct word choice
extracurricular
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 curriculums
such
 as studying a second language, finding their hobbies, and reading more books. Considering the above views,
it is clear that
, though there are some negative aspects
leaving
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to leaving
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 their school, the merits will continue to outweigh the demerits.
Thus
, if they make their plan and set a goal specifically, it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
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 to good memory.
Submitted by wowoo04066 on

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Task Achievement
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Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, focus on the logical structure of your paragraphs. Use clear topic sentences and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Improve coherence further by utilizing a wider range of linking phrases.
General
Revise for grammatical accuracy and check for typographical errors to increase clarity and professionalism in your writing. This not only makes your essay easier to follow but also enhances your credibility as a writer.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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