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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e.g. literature) and boys tend to choose science subjects (e.g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this trend need to be changed?

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Gender
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 disparity in subject choices, where
girls
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 often opt for arts
subjects
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 like literature
while
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 boys lean towards science
subjects
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such
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 as physics, is a persistent trend in many schools and universities.
This
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 phenomenon stems from societal expectations and stereotypes surrounding
gender
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 roles. Boys are typically encouraged to pursue STEM fields seen as intellectually rigorous,
while
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girls
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 are nudged towards nurturing and creative disciplines, perpetuating a divide in subject preferences from a young age. Cultural perceptions of
gender
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 and academic abilities
further
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 entrench
this
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 trend. Deep-seated beliefs about
gender
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 suitability in certain
subjects
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 contribute to boys feeling pressured to excel in STEM,
while
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girls
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 may face subtle discouragement in pursuing science
subjects
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due to
Linking Words
 perceived limitations. These biases, both overt and covert, shape
students
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' perceptions of their own abilities and influence their academic choices. Institutional factors within educational systems
also
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 play a role. Biases in teaching methods, curriculum design, and classroom dynamics may inadvertently
favor
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favour
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 one
gender
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 over the other, creating environments that are more conducive to the success of certain
students
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.
Lack
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The lack
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 of representation of female role models in STEM fields
further
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 exacerbates feelings of exclusion among
girls
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, dissuading them from pursuing these
subjects
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. Efforts to address
this
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 trend must be multifaceted. Initiatives
such
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 as
gender
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-neutral career guidance, mentorship programs, and interventions to promote
girls
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' participation in STEM are crucial in dismantling barriers and empowering
students
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 to make choices based on their interests and aptitudes rather than societal expectations. By fostering environments that encourage all
students
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 to explore their passions regardless of
gender
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, we can create a more inclusive and equitable educational landscape that benefits society as a whole.

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Task Achievement
Your essay distinctly addresses the topic, but your discussion on why the trend should change is not as well-developed as the analysis of the causes. Consider balancing both parts of the question to provide a more comprehensive answer.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've managed to structure your essay logically, but the flow can be improved by enhancing the connections between paragraphs. Try using a wider range of cohesive devices (linking words) to guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and serve their basic purposes. To score higher, ensure these sections are not only indicative of the essay's direction but also engaging and reflective of your critical analysis throughout.
Supporting Main Points
Your essay includes support for your points, but examples are general rather than specific. Incorporating more detailed, unique examples can greatly strengthen your arguments and make for a more persuasive essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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