48.Some people say that outdoor activities benefit children's development rather than computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some individuals
argued
that those Wrong verb form
argue
activities
which children
can play outside are more beneficial than computer games
. This
essay agrees with the statement because physical activities
help in maintaining better health as well as
get
Wrong verb form
getting
opportunity
to learn some skills with each other , both these Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
benefit
help in the growth of the Change the noun form
benefits
children
.
Outside activities
include
running, soccer , basketball etc Wrong verb form
including
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
very
important role Add an article
a very
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
healthy
lifestyle for Add an article
a healthy
children
. The major issues
every Fix the agreement mistake
issue
parents
facing that their Change to a singular noun
parent
children
gaining
weight due Wrong verb form
gain
the
number of hours Change preposition
to the
children
spending
on screens for study Wrong verb form
spend
as well as
playing games
on smartphones . Therefore
, outdoor games
helps
to reduce the overweight issues by doing physical Change the verb form
help
activities
as well as
these activities
do not give strain to children
eyesight Change noun form
children's
also
. For example
, research shows that most of the children
in the United Kingdom's
gain their weight Change noun form
Kingdom
due to
lack of physical activities
.
Another reason is that outdoor games
involves
Change the verb form
involve
children
to learn skills like team work
,Correct your spelling
teamwork
time
management and Correct word choice
and time
improves
social interactionCorrect subject-verb agreement
improve
Rephrase
apply
also
. In other words
, if a group of children
plays together then
they understand the importance of the other team mates
and Correct your spelling
teammates
this
gives opportunity to children
to improve social
interaction which helps Correct pronoun usage
their social
in
boost their confidence level and build motivation Change preposition
apply
also
.
In conclusion , people should give priority to outdoor games
in order to improve their Change noun form
children's
children
Change noun form
children's
healthy
lifestyle and Add an article
a healthy
also
provide Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
Change preposition
for
to
Change preposition
for
children
to learn leadership skills.Submitted by kmlchahal97 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
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