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Band 3

large shopping malls are replacing small shops. What is opinion on this? do you think this is good or bad change?

#malls #shops #change
The line graph provides data about the proportion of the
the
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apply
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population in four selected
asian
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Asian
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 nations living in urban areas between 1970 and 2020, with projections for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, It is clearly seen from the graph that
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 of people living in cities across the countries increased across the period from 1970 to 2020, and it is projected to keep
raising
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rising
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 until 2030 and 2040.
While
 Malaysia and Indonesia experienced a
significance
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significant
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 increase
of
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in
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 their populations living in urban regions, Thailand and
Philippines
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the Philippines
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 raised steadily.
Philippines
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The Philippines
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 was
a
Correct article usage
the
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 country with the highest population rate living in cities in 1970 and 1990, with just above 30% and almost 50% respectively.
However
, its position was taken by Malaysia during most of the period. Meanwhile, Indonesia had the lowest percentage of urban dwellers in 1970.
However
, its percentage rose considerably in five decades and it
will be
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is
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 projected to keep increasing
2030
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in 2030
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 and 2040, from just under 60% to more than 60% respectively.
Submitted by NA on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that you answer all parts of the task directly and fully. While your response provides a good overview, further enhancement can be achieved by deepening the analysis of the implications of these trends, linking them to potential social, economic, or environmental impacts.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, increase the clarity and effectiveness of your writing by improving transitions between paragraphs and within sentences. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas more clearly. Additionally, organize your paragraphs around clear main ideas and develop these with specific information or examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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