IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Pressure on the school and universities store and is increasing and students are forced to to hard work when they are young do you think it is a positive or negative development

#pressure #school #universities #store #students #work #development
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Since education
have
Change the verb form
has
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became
Change the form of the verb
become
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an
Change the article
a
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 crucial part of humans'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, many
argument
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argue
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 about the
pressure
Use synonyms
 which is created by forcing
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excessive load of studying. In my point of view, I believe that the increasing of those pressures on the
school
Use synonyms
 and university is a good thing. In my opinion, it is sensible that the
pressure
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on
Add a missing verb
is on
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 the
school
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 and university as it potentially helps
students
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gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
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disciplinary
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discipline
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 and responsibility. By letting
students
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 encounter
distresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
distress
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, automatically,
disciplinary
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discipline
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 and responsibility will be established as a natural habit.
For example
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
at
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 Perth Modern High
Use synonyms
school
Capitalize word
School
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 in Australia, have to
daily
Rephrase
apply
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deal with
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
the enormous
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 amount of homework daily.
As a result
Linking Words
, Perth Modern's student have excessive outcome
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
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 at all
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 a 100% finish their tasks. There are benefits of
pressure
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 on the
school
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. I
also
Linking Words
 agree with the idea of forcing
students
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 to
study
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 hard as it is the necessity for early preparation to compete in global job markets
makes
Correct pronoun usage
that makes
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 rigorous schooling beneficial. Education is a crucial part of humans'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 as it enhances
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
our
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 skills : analysing, calculating and so on, and
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 hard helps
students
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 fully
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 those skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, Asian
students
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, specifically, Chinese and Vietnamese
students
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 spend at least 4 to even 10 hours per day on learning. And as we can see most
students
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, who won the International Math Olympiad, are Chinese and Vietnamese. By forcing
students
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 to
study
Use synonyms
 hard, we maintain
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 educated generation, and, they can develop our community in the future.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
as
Change preposition
apply
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forcing
student
Add an article
the student
a student
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 to
study
Use synonyms
 hard, and,
let
Wrong verb form
letting
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 them experience
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 or university can help them improve their skills and establish disciplinary, responsibility.
Finally
Linking Words
, I strongly agree with that point of view.
Submitted by uy322415 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and outline your main arguments. This will help set expectations for the reader.
Task Achievement
Always re-read your essay to catch and fix any grammatical errors or typos. Taking the time for basic proofreading can greatly enhance the clarity of your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to include a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and to keep the reader engaged.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to include a concluding sentence in each paragraph that summarizes the key point you're making. This helps reinforce your arguments and clarifies the relevance of each paragraph to your overall thesis.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rigorous
  • global job markets
  • cultivate
  • discipline
  • time management
  • mental health impact
  • anxiety
  • burnout
  • holistic education
  • well-rounded individuals
  • uniform standards
  • individual learning styles
  • personal growth
  • self-confidence
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