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Band 3.5

Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's lives. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #work #lives #success #career #life
Almost everyone has a
career
 or a job that they do from time to time. It is argued that having a
career
 is the most important aspect of
one
's
living
Replace the word
life
show examples
. To a greater extent I do agree with
this
 narrative and
this
 essay will explore my view. On
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 larger hand, waking up
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 with tasks to do defines a meaningful or rather a purposeful
life
. A
career
 keeps
one
's mind occupied and that in return keeps
one
 free from diseases
such
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 depression and high blood pressure which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 heavily caused by thinking too much. Meaningfulness is
also
 seen when
one
 is able to pay their bills and
this
 can be achieved if
one
 has a successful
career
 that brings in income. On the lesser hand, a
career
 is argued to be significant but definitely not the most important in defining the meaningfulness of
life
. A functional family amongst other factors is equally important. A successful
career
 indeed may distract
one
's mind but it sure can not bring a meaningful
life
 as that which is offered by being responsible for others like your family. Having your own children or catering for your spouses creates purpose and the zeal to continue living.
To conclude
, a meaningful
life
 is determined by a successful
career
 to a greater extent because of its ability to cover most of the necessities of
life
whereas
 to a lesser
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
 a functional family is equally as important.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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task achievement
To improve your essay on task response, ensure to provide a more comprehensive argument by directly responding to the essay question. Make your stance clear from the beginning and consistently support it with specific examples and deeper analysis throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your coherence and cohesion by organizing your thoughts more logically. Make use of linking words and transitions to ensure a smooth flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs themselves. Additionally, try to develop a more structured introduction and conclusion to effectively frame your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal satisfaction
  • career advancement
  • work-life balance
  • personal growth
  • fulfillment
  • neglect
  • well-being
  • community involvement
  • leisure activities
  • significant other
  • professional success
  • meaningful life
  • monetary gain
  • job satisfaction
  • identity
  • self-worth
  • mental health
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