IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Goverments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#goverments #money #railways #roads
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Every government is responsible for investing
on
Change preposition
in
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 railways and not only in
roads
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, in order to develop safe and ecological
transportation
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. In my opinion, it is into consideration if only railways should develop by investments. On the one hand, creating
a
Correct article usage
apply
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safe
railway like
Add a hyphen
railway-like
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 train
transportation
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 is extremely important.
This
Linking Words
 kind of transport can become very convenient for the citizens,
while
Linking Words
 they gain the ability to travel without owning a car, reaching their destination refreshed.
For example
Linking Words
, Germany is one of the countries with the best train
transportation
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, having routes all over its borders serving that way the biggest part of its population for small and big routes. In that way, people learned to use public
transportation
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 reducing the environmental harm from car fuels.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government should spend a reasonable amount of money on the restoration or the construction of new
roads
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 too. Many countries are safer from old, constructed
roads
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 full of caps which is sometimes the main reason
of
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for
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 traffic and low-speed travelling.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Greece
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Greece,
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 the central road which connected Thessaloniki with Xalkidiki
,
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apply
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 used to be old and difficult to move in.
As a result
Linking Words
, in
summertime
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summertime,
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 the traffic jump was terrible and time-consuming. After the road was constructed Xalkidiki was able to host even more tourists because of its ease
to
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of
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 reach. Ultimately, both railways and
roads
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 are worth
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
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 money on.
However
Linking Words
, in every
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 the governments should find a way to make both of these ways of
transportation
Use synonyms
 safe and friendly to the environment.
Submitted by margaritasil on

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Task Achievement
Begin your essay with a clear thesis statement to directly address the prompt. For example, 'While the development of railways is critical for sustainable transportation, it's crucial that investments are distributed to both railways and roads for a balanced transportation infrastructure.'
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay by using more varied transitional phrases between paragraphs and within paragraphs. This aids in the essay’s readability and coherence. Phrases like 'Moreover,' 'Consequently,' and 'Furthermore,' can improve connectivity.
Coherence & Cohesion
To strengthen your conclusion, succinctly reiterate your stance and summarize the key points of your argument. This could make your conclusion more impactful and re-affirm your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
In your argument, explore both sides of the issue but ensure to maintain a clear stance throughout. Refine your argument by highlighting why you believe the government should invest in both railways and roads, with a stronger emphasis on your ultimate stance towards the initial statement.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. You have mentioned examples from Germany and Greece which is good, but providing more detailed statistics or outcomes from these examples could solidify your argument further.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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