It is expected in the near future that there will be a higher proportion of old people compared to younger population in some countries. 🔸Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.
It is predicted that after
few
years the number of aged individuals in some nations Correct article usage
a few
would
exceed the total of teenagers living in those nations. I believe Wrong verb form
will
that is
a negative trend beacuse
it adds Correct your spelling
because
extra
burden to Correct article usage
an extra
government
and there would be no Add an article
the government
economical
growth in these countries.
Replace the word
economic
To begin
with, in many states the
health care is handled by the government. Correct article usage
apply
Generally
people Add a comma
Generally,
are
often Unnecessary verb
apply
gets
sick if they are getting old. Correct subject-verb agreement
get
Therefore
, the count of elder
population is directly Add an article
the elder
propotional
to the Correct your spelling
proportional
amout
of funds Correct your spelling
amount
spend
by the states. Change the form of the verb
spent
Additionally
, the workers demands
high wages for moving to these cities. Change the verb form
demand
For example
, few
cities in Canada are occupied Correct article usage
a few
with
aged Change preposition
by
couple
, Fix the agreement mistake
couples
Canada
is investing a lot of funds to build care houses in these areas. Correct word choice
and Canada
Dispite
of funds the workers are not willing to relocate to Correct your spelling
Despite
these kind
of areas Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
beacuse
of poor development.
Correct your spelling
because
Furthermore
, Correct article usage
a nations
nations
economy depends on the average revenue of the Change noun form
nation's
citizines
. Suppose there are only Correct your spelling
citizens
few
teenagers in a city which leads to Change the article
a few
work force
imbalance. The Correct your spelling
a workforce
numbers
of manforce jobs in the market would rise and finding perfect workers for these tasks would become tough. Fix the agreement mistake
number
Thus
, this
scenario impacts the GDP of the country. For example
, Canada needs more workforce than the current population inside the country. So it accepts higher
number of Add an article
a higher
temperory
residents to balance the economy.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
temporary
to
my way of thinking if the count of retired persons Change preposition
in
are
higher than the count of Change the verb form
is
current
generation is not good for Add an article
the current
Correct article usage
the govement
govement
and countries GDP.Correct your spelling
government
movement
Submitted by avinashsanaka on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
To improve your essay, consider developing a clearer and more detailed introduction that outlines your main arguments and sets the stage for your discussion. This will help provide a roadmap for your readers and establish a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer paragraph structure, with distinct topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Aim to develop each main idea with specific details and examples, which will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task response
To enhance your task achievement score, make sure to address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Your essay should not only state whether you view the trend as positive or negative but also explore the implications of this trend in depth, supported by specific examples and explanations.