IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Goverments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extend do you agree or dissagree with this statement?

#goverments #money #railways #roads #dissagree
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Spending more money on railways has been a controversial issue that
people
Use synonyms
 like debating about. I will explore which is the more appropriate role of
government
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 in
this
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 essay. First of all, advocates that the governments should spend
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 on making railways contend that making infrastructure is really the
government
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's role. They believe that governments should spend their money on the majority of their
people
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, not the minority.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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metropolitan cities need more facilities for commuting, so,
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government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should require compulsory spending. Which means, that it can be explained as more economical spending.
However
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, opponents contend that the
government
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's tax is not only for metropolitan citizens but
also
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 for other
people
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 who are relatively isolated. They believe that our taxes should be spent more decently and appropriately. And
then
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, equal development of countries brings citizens together regardless of region isolation. They believe that the
government
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 should spend more in smaller villages to live more effectively. In conclusion, from my perspective, the
government
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 should spend more of its budget to establish housing for the minority of
people
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 living in the countryside. That would be more helpful for
people
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Submitted by enoklee on

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task achievement
Focus on developing your argument with more specific examples to strengthen your position.
task achievement
Clarify your stance on the topic. Your conclusion seems to contradict the main argument presented in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between ideas and paragraphs with more cohesive devices and clear topic sentences.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction should clearly state your viewpoint or the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, succinctly restate your opinion on the issue and summarize the main points made within the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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