IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The tables give information about the temperatures and hours of daylight in London and Sydney during the same weekend in December 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#tables #information #temperatures #hours #daylight #london #sydney #weekend #december #summarise #features #comparisons
The tables illustrate the difference
about
Change preposition
between
show examples
 how many
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
 would be and when would the sun rise and set between
London
 and
Sydney
 in December 2018. The maximum
temperature
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 December 28th to 30th in
London
 was 13
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
while
 that was 31
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
 in
Sydney
. The minimum
temperature
 in
Sydney
 (19
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
) was over 6 times than that in
London
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 3
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
, which was even higher than
top
Add an article
the top
show examples
temperature
 in
London
, too. The average
temperature
 in
London
 was less than 10
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsium
Correct your spelling
Celsius
 but
exceeding
Wrong verb form
exceeded
show examples
 20
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
Celsius
 in
Sydney
. Sunrise occurred about 3 hours later in
London
(about 8 AM) than
Sydney
Change preposition
in Sydney
show examples
 (5:45AM)
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these 3 days in December 2018. As for sunset was at around 4 PM in
London
while
 4 hours later in
Sydney
 at around 8 PM.
As a result
, the duration of daylight
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Sydney
 was
15hour
Correct your spelling
15 hours
 per day, which was
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 2 times more in
London
 with 8
hour
Change to a plural noun
hours
show examples
 each day. In summary,
Sydney
 was warmer and had more hours of daylight than
London
.
Submitted by JJ on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words degree, celsius, london, sydney, temperature with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • temperatures
  • hours of daylight
  • comparison
  • London
  • Sydney
  • December 2018
  • weekend
  • information
  • data
  • summarise
  • select
  • report
  • features
  • analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: