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Band 5.5

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants
In the present era, rising skyscrapers and expanding cities
are consider
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are considered
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as
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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marvelous
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marvellous
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achievement
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achievements
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of
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in
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development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of the country.
However
, in many
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
this
 unplanned development
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reduction in
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 and
number
 of
flora
 and
fauna
.
Over dependence
Add a hyphen
Over-dependence
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil
fuels
 and
plastic
 products
are
Verb problem
apply
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even
exacerbating
Wrong verb form
exacerbates
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 the situation.
This
 essay will explain
further
 how
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 issues
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
flora
 and
fauna
to decline
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and discuss some possible solutions.
To begin
 with, advanced research in
construction
Add an article
the construction
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 sector and our great demand for infrastructure
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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foster
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fostered
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 the rate
of
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at
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buildings
Correct pronoun usage
which buildings
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 can be built.
As a result
, we can observe cities are being expanded,
plunging
Verb problem
increasing
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 the
number
 of forests and
other habitat
Change the wording
another habitat
other habitats
show examples
 for
animals
.
Moreover
, the insatiable demand for fossil
fuels
 of humanity
posses
Correct your spelling
poses
show examples
 danger for
flora
 and
fauna
. For the extraction of fossil
fuels
, forests get chopped down,
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 its ramifications
animals
 are left with small
territory
Fix the agreement mistake
territories
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 the competition to survive
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 often
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
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death
Add an article
the death
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 of a plethora of
animals
.
Plastic
 products play a vital role in damaging the
flora
 and
fauna
.
Plastic
 products take centuries to decompose and
ends
Change the verb form
end
show examples
 up in landfills and oceans. Over
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
plastic
 releases toxins into the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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, which results in
deaths
Correct article usage
the deaths
show examples
 of
animals
.
In addition
, experts
also
 found that some
animals
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mistook
plastic
 as a diet and consume them.
For instance
, the declining
number
 of turtles resulted
due
Change preposition
from
show examples
 to consumption of
plastic
 bags, as they mistook it
as
Change preposition
for
show examples
 jellyfish. To tackle
this
 issue, the government can introduce major reforms to improve construction regulations. An effective solution would be introducing
greenbelts
Correct your spelling
green belts
show examples
 or no construction zones. People must be motivated to use eco-friendly packing alternatives. Investing more money in clean energy sources
such
 as windmills should be prioritized to reduce our dependence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fossil
fuels
.
Overall
, a continuous decrease in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of
animals
 and plants can be seen, there are myriads of contributors behind
this
 issue, but there are numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
preventive measures
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be taken to tackle 
this
 problem.
Submitted by sameer.rn9596 on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance clarity and conciseness by avoiding unnecessary repetition or overly complex sentences. This will make your main points more accessible to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the logical flow of the essay.
task achievement
Expand and deepen the elaboration of solutions by discussing the potential impacts and feasibility of proposed measures, giving your argument more depth.
task achievement
Include more diverse and specific examples to support your points; this will help validate your arguments and make them more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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