IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In recent years, the number of folks who want to go to clinics or hospitals has
been
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apply
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decreased, and they with alternative medicines. Personally, I consider there are pros and cons. On the one hand, if patients were under ailment, they might go to the drug store for healing. It is helpful to make society's resources run more effectively and efficiently. Take Taiwan
for example
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, Taiwan is famous for its cheap medical fees,
this
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 policy lets the poor afford the expense of
treatment
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 bills,
however
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, it
also
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 has caused numerous problems. The most serious issue is that citizens in Taiwan are used to wasting
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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 resources, it is common for many sick
people
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 to rush into every clinic even if they only need a few days to recover. If these persons can seek other
treatment
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 on their own, they will not stand the social resources and those patients with critical illness can accept the best therapy.
On the other hand
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, it is a negative development because the percentage of
people
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 mislead lethal drugs is increasing. Most of the time, they do not realize the function and side effects of medicine and
treatment
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, some
people
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 may be allergic to some ingredients,
therefore
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 causing
a more severe health problems
Correct the article-noun agreement
more severe health problems
a more severe health problem
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.
For instance
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, in some countries, the cost of medical care is too high so they are cheated by quacksalver who say that they only need to pay half the bill.
However
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, it is frequently reported in the newspaper that these frauds are murderers, and many residents die because of them. In conclusion,
people
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 can receive useful care on their own, doctors will spend more saving more lives,
while
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 some of them do not get the right
treatment
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.
As a result
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, I think it is an advantaged and disadvantaged development.

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task achievement
Begin by clearly articulating your position on the topic in your introduction. A clear thesis statement helps guide your discussion.
task achievement
Ensure each body paragraph has a clear main idea. Back your ideas with more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay logically. Start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that flesh out your main points, and finish with a conclusive summary of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas. This will help your essay flow more naturally and make it easier for the reader to follow your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and typos. This will improve the professionalism of your writing and make it easier to understand.
task achievement
Work on providing more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. This makes your essay more persuasive and engaging for the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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