In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealth. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #children #unhealth #people #government #responsibility

Over the

last

few years, offspring are increasing

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

become

outweight

Correct your spelling

overweight

and unhealthy. Some people argue that the country has the

responsibilitiy

Correct your spelling

responsibility

to tackle

this

issue.

While

there is some truth to

this

belief,

would disagree with

this

point of view for some sound reasons. On the one hand, the

government

has the respond to

health

Add an article

the health

show examples

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

young

Correct word choice

younger

show examples

generations. The main argument

has

Verb problem

show examples

to overeat

Change preposition

that overeating

show examples

caused

Wrong verb form

causes

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children overweight and

also

the

government

should

be has to

Verb problem

apply

show examples

solve

this

issues

Fix the agreement mistake

issue

show examples

. To explain, the

goverenment

Correct your spelling

government

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

banned

Change the verb

ban

show examples

unhealthy

foods

for juveniles or they do not need to

produced

Wrong verb form

produce

show examples

and

selling

Wrong verb form

sell

show examples

because

this

situation may be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

very

damage

Replace the word

damaging

show examples

for young

genarations

Correct your spelling

generations

generation

As a

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

reduce level become overweight among younger.

For example

, some countries banned sugar goods, fast

foods

sell

Change the form of the verb

sold

show examples

population

Correct article usage

the population

show examples

Beside

Replace the word

Besides

show examples

that the

sociaty recommented

Correct your spelling

society recommended

to overeat more

walk

Replace the word

walking

show examples

run

Replace the word

running

show examples

and

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

such

Change preposition

as this

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

rules helped to unhealthy. If

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

would

Verb problem

had

show examples

not

banned

Change the verb form

ban

be banned

show examples

sell

Wrong verb form

selling

show examples

some

damage

Replace the word

damaged

show examples

foods

in their places, people would

were

Verb problem

not have

show examples

suffer

Wrong verb form

suffered

show examples

from some

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

yet

Rephrase

apply

show examples

On the other hand

, the

government

has

Verb problem

does

show examples

not the responsibility to solve

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues because

their

Replace the word

there

show examples

has

Verb problem

are

show examples

other matter

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

than

this

condition.

Moreover

, not only society fathers and mothers should

be respond

Change the verb form

respond

show examples

to their

health

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

health

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

. The

government

always can not observe

to overeat if

Change the verb form

overeating

show examples

their

populations

Fix the agreement mistake

population

show examples

However

, parents can

helped to

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

yheir

Correct your spelling

their

boys and girls

that is

they can

self-esteem

Add a missing verb

have self-esteem

show examples

as well as

younger

too

Correct pronoun usage

ones too

show examples

For example

do not buy

unhealth

Correct your spelling

unhealthy

show examples

goods because

do know they damage

foods

do not eat.

As a

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

am not overweight among my

freinds

Correct your spelling

friends

. In a word, the society has not compulsory to tackle

this

problem. In

conclution

Correct your spelling

conclusion

, the

government

should

banned

Change the verb form

ban

show examples

some products

Change preposition

for

show examples

offspring and people do not need to

overeating

Change the verb

overeat

show examples

because

this

is very

benefits

Replace the word

beneficial

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

health

Submitted by soglomovsarvar on Sat Mar 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure

To improve your score, ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Currently, the structure is somewhat confusing, making your arguments hard to follow.

introduction conclusion present

Make sure to include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state your viewpoint and summarize your main points. This will improve the overall flow and coherence of your essay.

supported main points

Support your arguments with specific examples and explanations. Currently, your main points are not clearly supported, which affects your essay's persuasiveness.

complete response

Ensure that your essay addresses the task fully by presenting a clear argument throughout the essay. It seems your response veers off-topic occasionally, which affects your task achievement score.

clear comprehensive ideas

Clarify your ideas and arguments to make them more comprehensible. Try to present your points in a structured and logical manner, using clear and concise language.

relevant specific examples

Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your argument. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
62Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

307 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Nowadays, more and more people are purchasing online instead of physically going to stores. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
It is certainly true that almost all people are buying online instead of physically going to stores. I think, It is very useful for people. I will explain more below.
7.5
band
Competitive sports have been argued to have a positive effect on child education by some, while others oppose it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sports competitions give some perspective either positive or negative side from people for offspring’s study development progress. In my opinion, I decidedly agree, I will describe my reasons in this essay.
7.5
band
Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children.
Some think that giving homework can not affect substantially children's various skills, however, others say that giving lots of tasks is one of the most fundamental ways to achieve success. In spite of the fact that, at the beginning of the general work, providing challenging exercises impacts the function of tiredness and weakness, thereafter, those results in fostering political and ideological thinking. I completely agree with this statement about enhancing people's range of skills in the future generation.
<4
band
Your sister has been in the hosptial for a week .During this time, you have noticed the meals they are providing for her are very poor qulity . write an email to the hosptial manager and include the following things.
I am writting to express my concern i have about the food quality at your hospital. My sister has been in the hospital for a week, and the meals the nurses are feeding to her very unhealthy.
6
band
Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In today's world, pollution and housing problems significantly impact human health. While some argue that reducing environmental pollution should be the government's primary focus to prevent diseases, others believe that other issues deserve more attention. I contend that harmful substances in food are a more significant health threat than pollution, leading to more severe health issues, including cancer. Therefore, I disagree with the notion that governments should prioritize reducing environmental pollution over other health concerns.

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealth. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays, more and more people are purchasing online instead of physically going to stores. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Competitive sports have been argued to have a positive effect on child education by some, while others oppose it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children.

Your sister has been in the hosptial for a week .During this time, you have noticed the meals they are providing for her are very poor qulity . write an email to the hosptial manager and include the following things.

Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?