In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealth. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #children #unhealth #people #government #responsibility

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Over the

last

Linking Words

few years, offspring are increasing

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

become

outweight

Correct your spelling

overweight

and unhealthy. Some people argue that the country has the

responsibilitiy

Correct your spelling

responsibility

to tackle

this

Linking Words

issue.

While

Linking Words

there is some truth to

this

Linking Words

belief,

Use synonyms

would disagree with

this

Linking Words

point of view for some sound reasons. On the one hand, the

government

Use synonyms

has the respond to

Use synonyms

health

Add an article

the health

show examples

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

young

Correct word choice

younger

show examples

generations. The main argument

has

Verb problem

show examples

to overeat

Change preposition

that overeating

show examples

caused

Wrong verb form

causes

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children overweight and

also

Linking Words

the

government

Use synonyms

should

be has to

Verb problem

apply

show examples

solve

this

Linking Words

issues

Fix the agreement mistake

issue

show examples

. To explain, the

goverenment

Correct your spelling

government

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

banned

Change the verb

ban

show examples

unhealthy

foods

Use synonyms

for juveniles or they do not need to

produced

Wrong verb form

produce

show examples

and

selling

Wrong verb form

sell

show examples

because

this

Linking Words

situation may be

Verb problem

apply

show examples

very

damage

Replace the word

damaging

show examples

for young

genarations

Correct your spelling

generations

generation

As a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

reduce level become overweight among younger.

For example

Linking Words

, some countries banned sugar goods, fast

foods

Use synonyms

sell

Change the form of the verb

sold

show examples

population

Correct article usage

the population

show examples

Beside

Replace the word

Besides

show examples

that the

sociaty recommented

Correct your spelling

society recommended

to overeat more

walk

Replace the word

walking

show examples

run

Replace the word

running

show examples

and

sport

Fix the agreement mistake

sports

show examples

such

Linking Words

Change preposition

as this

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

rules helped to unhealthy. If

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

would

Verb problem

had

show examples

not

banned

Change the verb form

ban

be banned

show examples

sell

Wrong verb form

selling

show examples

some

damage

Replace the word

damaged

show examples

foods

Use synonyms

in their places, people would

were

Verb problem

not have

show examples

suffer

Wrong verb form

suffered

show examples

from some

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

yet

Rephrase

apply

show examples

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the

government

Use synonyms

has

Verb problem

does

show examples

not the responsibility to solve

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues because

their

Replace the word

there

show examples

has

Verb problem

are

show examples

other matter

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

than

this

Linking Words

condition.

Moreover

Linking Words

, not only society fathers and mothers should

be respond

Change the verb form

respond

show examples

to their

health

Use synonyms

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

health

Use synonyms

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

. The

government

Use synonyms

always can not observe

to overeat if

Change the verb form

overeating

show examples

their

populations

Fix the agreement mistake

population

show examples

However

Linking Words

, parents can

helped to

Wrong verb form

help

show examples

yheir

Correct your spelling

their

boys and girls

that is

Linking Words

they can

self-esteem

Add a missing verb

have self-esteem

show examples

as well as

Linking Words

younger

too

Correct pronoun usage

ones too

show examples

For example

Linking Words

Use synonyms

do not buy

unhealth

Correct your spelling

unhealthy

show examples

goods because

Use synonyms

do know they damage

foods

Use synonyms

do not eat.

As a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

Use synonyms

am not overweight among my

freinds

Correct your spelling

friends

. In a word, the society has not compulsory to tackle

this

Linking Words

problem. In

conclution

Correct your spelling

conclusion

, the

government

Use synonyms

should

banned

Change the verb form

ban

show examples

some products

Change preposition

for

show examples

offspring and people do not need to

overeating

Change the verb

overeat

show examples

because

this

Linking Words

is very

benefits

Replace the word

beneficial

show examples

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

health

Use synonyms

Submitted by soglomovsarvar on Sat Mar 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure

To improve your score, ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Currently, the structure is somewhat confusing, making your arguments hard to follow.

introduction conclusion present

Make sure to include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state your viewpoint and summarize your main points. This will improve the overall flow and coherence of your essay.

supported main points

Support your arguments with specific examples and explanations. Currently, your main points are not clearly supported, which affects your essay's persuasiveness.

complete response

Ensure that your essay addresses the task fully by presenting a clear argument throughout the essay. It seems your response veers off-topic occasionally, which affects your task achievement score.

clear comprehensive ideas

Clarify your ideas and arguments to make them more comprehensible. Try to present your points in a structured and logical manner, using clear and concise language.

relevant specific examples

Incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your argument. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
62
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

307 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction. How far do you agree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. Write at least 250 words.
It is now easy for anyone to connect to others in different parts of the world in this digital era. However, there is a debate over how the Internet actually has negative impacts on direct social interactions. I believe with the argument of how the amount of time people spend on the Internet can cause them to spend less time making real-life interactions, however, this should not be a concern since it also brings many benefits to our daily lives.
6.5
band
It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.
These days, pupils are inquiring about taking a gap year when they graduate which has benefits in their opinion. However, there are both pros and cons to taking a year gap after school. In this essay. I will discuss both of positives and drawbacks and draw some conclusions.
4.5
band
Experts should beware of the consequences of a harmful lifestyle. Despite this warning, most people have already become addicted to the same types of activities. This essay will discuss several causes and suggest some solutions to tackle this problem
Experts should beware of the consequences of a harmful lifestyle. Despite this warning, most people have already become addicted to the same types of activities. This essay will discuss several causes and suggest some solutions to tackle this problem.There are different causes to explain this issue. This can be, firstly, explained by the fact that many people are so engrossed in their work that they spend most of their time on their job in order to be hard workers and forget their sedentary lifestyle. For example, many people work more than 8 hours per day. They cannot, as a result, balance their work and life, which causes some illnesses. Furthermore, people with smoking habits find it difficult to give up due to their addictiveness. For instance, most smokers have a dependence on cigarettas, and stopping these unsound exercises seemed not to be straightforward for them.To solve this problem, solutions are given below. One of which is that a healthy lifestyle should be taught to pe...
<4
band
⁠The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
The older generation often stick to traditional values regarding lifestyle, thinking, and behavior. However, the question is whether these principles help younger generations for the difficulties of today's life. This essay completely agrees that traditional values became irrelevant, because of outdatement and prevent young people's progress.
7
band
More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem.
Nowadays the number of obese people is increasing rapidly. People around the world are worrying about this phenomenon, and giving an opinion of escalating the cost of high-calorie meals. Considering the taxes and people’s food choices, as well as the metabolic system, I believe this solution is likely to exacerbate the fattening situation.

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealth. Some people think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Include an introduction and conclusion

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Experts should beware of the consequences of a harmful lifestyle. Despite this warning, most people have already become addicted to the same types of activities. This essay will discuss several causes and suggest some solutions to tackle this problem

⁠The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem.