IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

You have been working for a company for some time and other rival companies are willing to employ you with a higher salary for all the practical experience you have gained

#company #time #companies #salary
Dear Mr Brown I am writing to you about some circumstances related to the
company
 and my work.
Last
 weekend, I was offered a high-paying job by Uzum Market
company
. I would like to write you my
option
Correct your spelling
opinion
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 on
this
. I moved to
this
city
 2 years ago because I was accepted to study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Webster
university
Capitalize word
University
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 through contact payment. Since I don'
t
 have a private house or acquaintance in
this
city
 I have been living here by renting a house in the center of the
city
 to be close to the
university
 and my workplace. As you know
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the Webster
university
Capitalize word
University
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contact
Correct your spelling
contract
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 is $3000 per year and housing in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 of
city
Add an article
the city
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 is not below $200. Your
company
 has been paying me $200 a year since Uzum
market
Capitalize word
Market
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 is offering me $300 a year . I have to say that my wage doesn'
t
 cover my expenses. I work not only at
yor
Correct your spelling
your
company
 but
also
 work at a restaurant as a waiter so that if I don'
t
 pay my tuition fees I will be
expuled
Correct your spelling
expelled
 from the
university
. I am leaving your office for the reasons I mentioned above and if you don'
t
 raise my
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
 I will be forced to continue working at Uzum market I hope you will accept my requirements. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely Lucy Kharmon
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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task achievement
It's important to ensure clarity and specificity in your request. Although you mention a desire for an increase in wage, being more specific about how much you believe is reasonable given your circumstances could strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the structure of your letter to clearly distinguish between an introduction, body, and conclusion. This not only makes your letter easier to follow but can also help emphasize your main points.
task achievement
Be consistent in providing specific examples and reasons that support your request or position. While you make a strong case for why the increase is needed, further detail could enhance your argument.
task achievement
Review and correct factual inaccuracies or inconsistencies, such as the indicated salary figures, which seem implausible. Ensuring accuracy will enhance the credibility of your letter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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