Some people think that the computer and the Internet are important in children's studies, but others think that students can learn more effectively in schools and with teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your current response is missing a clear structure and does not address both views or provide a personal opinion as the task asks.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (such as firstly, however, in addition) to structure your ideas more clearly and improve the flow of your essay.
development
Develop your ideas more fully. Discuss both viewpoints on the use of technology in education versus traditional methods in schools, and support these ideas with specific examples or reasons.
accuracy
Check your spelling and grammar carefully. There are several errors that could confuse the reader or make your argument less clear.
completeness
Expand on your ideas and provide a more thorough analysis in order to more fully answer the question. A short response cannot fully cover the requirements of the task.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported.After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
It is true that the existence of cars detriments the air quality. Many people believe that holding a global car-free day can mitigate the damages, whereas I believe that there are more effective measures for this situation.
There is considerable debate about whether the government or individuals should be responsible for the stability of freshwater sources. From my perspective, the authorities have more ability to strictly control the supply of fresh water.
The custom of accommodation of students studying at the university is different around the globe. Some college students stay in their own towns with their families while others go to universities in cities away from their home. I believe that attending schools outside their hometown is more beneficial to them and help develop their personality.
It is commonly believed that art exhibitions should prioritize displaying local masterpieces rather than global ones. The writer, however, contends that art galleries should showcase artworks from other regions due to cultural diversity and an opportunity to enjoy a wide range of genres.
The unemployment level is on the rise, particularly in countries where the majority are living on less than $ 1 a day. Restricting access to only primary education might seem advantageous in these countries as it will encourage the locals to focus on learning a trade; where jobs are more abundant. On the other hand, I believe giving pupils access to a higher level of education gives them a competitive advantage to find more lucrative jobs in their home town and it also opens opportunities for them internationally.