IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries. What problems does it cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

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A
Change the article
The
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 number of individuals who are very qualified and experienced at their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 is increasing around the world and they prefer leaving their own
countries
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 to work in rich
countries
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. Unfortunately,
this
Linking Words
 causes a lot of problems
such
Linking Words
 as
reducing
Replace the word
a reduction
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of
Change preposition
in
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workforce
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the workforce
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 and increasing
of
Change preposition
in
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 property among people of unwealthy
countries
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. To solve
this
Linking Words
 issue, the governments should create better opportunities
to work
Verb problem
apply
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for knowledgeable residents and increase the quantity of facilities
such
Linking Words
 as schools and hospitals. The main problem is that if many dwellers migrate
other
Change preposition
to other
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 places to achieve better standards of
life
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, older people cannot
labor
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labour
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 by themselves and face some difficulties
to manage
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in managing
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the
Change the word
their
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life
Use synonyms
. To explain, available people must make money for their
family
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families
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.
However
Linking Words
, they choose to leave there and begin
new
Add an article
a new
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life
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, those
countries
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 lose choices to develop and move toward deep failure.
For example
Linking Words
, the population of Uzbekistan is moving to developed
countries
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 like the USA to reach better goals. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue, each country which is poor have to try to maintain
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 daily routine.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they must create the best opportunities to live smoothly
such
Linking Words
 as reducing taxes.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they must construct up-to-date facilities to attract more experienced employees. If they do these, they can achieve the goal because anybody cannot give up
such
Linking Words
 a brilliant choice.
Consequently
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, even they can
instill
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instil
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reputation
Correct article usage
a reputation
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 among rich
countries
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, developing technologies can lead
great
Correct article usage
a great
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life
Use synonyms
through
Change preposition
by
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 teaching children
with
Change preposition
apply
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unique methods. In conclusion, individuals who are lived pooper nations are leaving their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
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 to earn more money in another place.
Although
Linking Words
 it causes problems like
decreasing
Replace the word
a decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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,
this
Linking Words
 can be solved through improved facilities.

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, it's crucial to fully address all parts of the prompt. Your essay discusses problems and solutions but lacks depth in both aspects. Consider dedicating more space to analyzing specific examples and detailed explanations of each problem and solution. Expanding on these areas with more elaborate examples and a clearer connection to the question will make your response more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on linking your ideas more effectively. While your essay has an overall structure, transitions between ideas can be smoother. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show connections between your paragraphs and sentences. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure; each paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by examples or explanations. A clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph can help improve the logical flow of your essay.
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