An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries. What problems does it cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

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A
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The
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number of individuals who are very qualified and experienced at their
job
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jobs
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is increasing around the world and they prefer leaving their own
countries
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to work in rich
countries
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. Unfortunately,
this
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causes a lot of problems
such
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as
reducing
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a reduction
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of
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in
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workforce
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the workforce
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and increasing
of
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in
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property among people of unwealthy
countries
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. To solve
this
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issue, the governments should create better opportunities
to work
Verb problem
apply
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for knowledgeable residents and increase the quantity of facilities
such
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as schools and hospitals. The main problem is that if many dwellers migrate
other
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to other
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places to achieve better standards of
life
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, older people cannot
labor
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labour
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by themselves and face some difficulties
to manage
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in managing
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the
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their
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life
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. To explain, available people must make money for their
family
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families
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.
However
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, they choose to leave there and begin
new
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a new
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life
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.
As a result
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, those
countries
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lose choices to develop and move toward deep failure.
For example
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, the population of Uzbekistan is moving to developed
countries
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like the USA to reach better goals. To tackle
this
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issue, each country which is poor have to try to maintain
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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daily routine.
Firstly
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, they must create the best opportunities to live smoothly
such
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as reducing taxes.
Additionally
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, they must construct up-to-date facilities to attract more experienced employees. If they do these, they can achieve the goal because anybody cannot give up
such
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a brilliant choice.
Consequently
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, even they can
instill
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instil
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reputation
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a reputation
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among rich
countries
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.
For instance
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, developing technologies can lead
great
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a great
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life
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through
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by
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teaching children
with
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apply
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unique methods. In conclusion, individuals who are lived pooper nations are leaving their
hometown
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hometowns
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to earn more money in another place.
Although
Linking Words
it causes problems like
decreasing
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a decrease
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of
Change preposition
in
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workforce
Add an article
the workforce
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,
this
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can be solved through improved facilities.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, it's crucial to fully address all parts of the prompt. Your essay discusses problems and solutions but lacks depth in both aspects. Consider dedicating more space to analyzing specific examples and detailed explanations of each problem and solution. Expanding on these areas with more elaborate examples and a clearer connection to the question will make your response more complete.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on linking your ideas more effectively. While your essay has an overall structure, transitions between ideas can be smoother. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show connections between your paragraphs and sentences. Additionally, pay attention to paragraph structure; each paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by examples or explanations. A clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph can help improve the logical flow of your essay.
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