IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You have reccently moved to another city but your bank has your old address and continues to send all the communication there. Write a letter to your bank Branch. In this letter mention: -Where you have moved? -What problem are you facing regarding the bank's communication? -What do you want them to do regarding old communication already sent to the wrong address.

#city #bank #address #communication #branch #-where #-what
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you
this
 purpose about my communications with the
bank
. I have recently moved
Change preposition
to other
show examples
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
place
.
This
place
 is so far
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
bank
.
Moreover
, my all communication and
address
Fix the agreement mistake
addresses
show examples
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to your
bank
.
This
 is a big issue. I have recently moved
Change preposition
to other
show examples
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
city
.
This
city
 is so far
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
bank
.
This
place
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 centre. It is capital. I have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 issue. I am suffering to come and go to far distance. I want to the
bank
 contacts
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 to my
currently
Change the adverb
current
show examples
 workplace. I am writing to you
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 aim.
Firstly
, I
wanted
Add the particle
wanted to
show examples
 move to
other
Change the wording
another place
other places
show examples
place
. By reason of, in
this
city
Add a comma
city,
show examples
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a lot of car sound and very much traffics.
Secondly
, I forgot to contact the
bank
.
However
, If you could help me a bit, I would have solved these problems. I want to pass my all things to my new workplace from my old
bank
. Yours faithfully, Jasur uktamov
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clarity and relevance in each paragraph. Each paragraph should focus on a single aspect of your request or issue. Avoid mixing different ideas in one paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
Create a clear logical structure for your letter. Start with an introduction explaining why you are writing, followed by paragraphs each addressing a specific point, and conclude your letter properly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use paragraphs effectively, ensuring that each new main idea starts in a new paragraph. This helps in maintaining the flow and making your letter easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Clearly state the issue at the beginning of the letter, including the necessary details like your new address, the problem faced due to the address change, and your specific requests to the bank.
Task Achievement
Maintain a polite and formal tone throughout the letter. While your tone is generally appropriate, ensure consistency in formality and politeness.

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