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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

You have recently moved to another city but your bank has your old address and continues to send all the communication there. -Where you have moved? -What problem are you facing regarding the bank is communication? -What do you want them to do regarding old communication already sent to the wrong address.

#city #bank #address #communication #-where #-what
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
 letter to you, I want to tell you that your bank is still sending all the mail to my old place even though I have moved from there. I have already moved from there.
Therefore
, I request you to send all letters to my new
address
. My new
address
 is 23 "Abdulla Oripov" street. You can now send all
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 here. And I would like you to remember my
address
 so that these mistakes do not happen again.
Such
 mistakes are natural but I ask you to pay more attention to
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 work. I was supposed to receive money from the bank
last
 week, but it
also
 went to my old
address
 and I
sufferd
Correct your spelling
suffered
 a lot. And I ask you to compensate for
this
 damage. I have given you my current
address
 above. You can now apply to
this
address
.
This
 is what I wanted to tell you. I hope you understand me correctly and I trust that the previous mistakes will not be repeated. Yours faithfully, Sadinova Feruza
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Task Response
To improve your task response score, ensure you thoroughly answer all parts of the question. In your letter, you did address the main points but could expand on the details about the problems faced due to the bank's error and the specific actions you desire from the bank, such as requesting the redirection of all previous mail to your new address.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your letter into clear paragraphs, each serving a specific purpose (e.g., introduction, explanation of the situation, your requests, and a conclusion). Use transitional words to connect your ideas smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
To provide supported main points more effectively, include more detailed explanations and examples of the inconvenience caused by the bank's mistake. This could illustrate the severity of the issue and reinforce the need for your requested actions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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