IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasis that their products are new in some way Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasis #products #development
Although
 there are always basic standards to measure how good a product is, businesses nowadays heavily stress the more innovative
aspects
 of their
products
.
While
this
 phenomenon can be explained by a fear of competition from similar
products
, I strongly believe that
this
 poses
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
threats
Fix the agreement mistake
threat
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our society. By focusing on advertising new
aspects
 of
products
, the companies hope to limit the number of benchmarks of other
products
 of the same type. Without anything to compare to, customers have low awareness about the actual values that the novel
aspects
 bring,
therefore
 they may willing to pay even if the characteristics are not worth the prices.
For example
, a new coffee house in my
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 ran ads on our local radios and newspapers for their very
expesive
Correct your spelling
expensive
, exclusive drink and all of the information in these ads
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 about the pink
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
 of the beverage. Because the community had never tasted
such
drink
Correct article usage
a drink
show examples
 before, they had no idea whether it would
worth
Add a missing verb
be worth
show examples
 the high
pricetag
Correct your spelling
price tag
show examples
. Emphasizing too much on these novel
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
 in the neglect of the
basic
Fix the agreement mistake
basics
show examples
 of a product. Because everything
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to have something new,
research
Correct article usage
the research
show examples
 and development department of a company will use all of
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 resources for add-ons and innovations,
instead
 of improving
much needed
Add a hyphen
much-needed
show examples
 other standards,
such
 as quality, reliability or affordability. Selling highly innovative gadgets that break down easily can bring in new
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 in the short term, but
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 them in the long run.
To conclude
, companies are obsessing with generating and advertising new
aspects
 of their product,
while
 neglecting other more needed, basic
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
 trend will cause more harm than good in the future.
Submitted by hoagloc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
For a clearer task response, ensure you address both aspects of the prompt effectively. While you've discussed why newness in products is emphasized and given your opinion on whether it's positive or negative, expanding on specific examples to support your points could elevate the answer. Try using more varied and detailed examples from real-life situations or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points more vividly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Transition words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly. Incorporate phrases like 'Additionally,' 'Furthermore,' or 'Contrastingly,' where appropriate, to connect ideas more effectively.
Task Response
While you've introduced main points to support your argument, further elaboration and solid examples would strengthen your essay. Each main point could be enhanced by deeper analysis and more concrete evidence. When stating an argument, follow it up with a specific example or statistic, then analyze how this supports your overall point. This will make your arguments more convincing.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: