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Band 4.5

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyles in the countryside. other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. discuss both view and give your opinion

#people #lifestyles #countryside #health #cities
It is often argued that it is more
advantageousto
Correct your spelling
advantageous to
advantageous
 choose a living in the
cities
 more healthy , even if it doesn't appeal to you at all.I completely disagree with
this
 opinion and
thiliving
Correct your spelling
living
 in
village
Correct article usage
a village
show examples
 is much more healthy than
Change preposition
in another
show examples
another
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
show examples
cities
.  First of all, I believe that living in
village
Correct article usage
a village
show examples
 gives
people
 a sense of relaxation and health that no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
city can guarantee. Even if someone is living in high quality infrastructure, but feels tensed and compromises with his conscience because no one
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 be far away from his family,
this
 person won't enjoy his life,
While
 pursuing one's interests will always bring pleasure and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of satisfaction.
For example
, a lot of Omani
youner
Correct your spelling
younger
 leave their families in their
village
 not because of city is
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle but because of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
. Add a That's why it's more important to
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in the
village
 that makes you happy than to look only at high infrastructure .
Secondly
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 argue that living in
cities
 keeps you motivated and
more health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
therefore
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
career growth.
In other words
, there is a strong relation between living in
cities
 and
healthylifstyle
Correct your spelling
healthy lifestyle
.
People
 who love living in
cities
 can easily excel in to lifestyle of
cities
 and marge with the
people
 in
cities
. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 travel from their
village
 to be rich.
And after
Correct word choice
After
show examples
 enduring years become one of the richer in Oman .
Thus
, some of
Add an article
the advantage
show examples
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 to living in the
cities
.  
To conclude
, I personally believe life must balance either staying in the city or the countryside because
that is
 related to each other to supporting
people
's lives forwards
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Submitted by fatema14mohammed on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and be connected logically.
task achievement
Work on clarifying your arguments by providing clearly stated views and supporting them with specific examples or reasons. Avoid generalizations.
task achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Discuss both views presented in the prompt and provide a clear personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve your grammar and spelling to enhance the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Expand your vocabulary to accurately express complex ideas and reduce repetition of the same words or phrases.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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