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Band 4.5

In many countries today, women have full-time jobs. Therefore, it is reasonable to share housework equally between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #women #jobs #housework #men
Men and
women
 have equal job prospects in the contemporary world. In numerous nations, females have 9 to 5
work
.
Hence
, it is important to take uniform household responsibilities between men and
women
. I strongly agree with the given statement because females are taking financial
dutiesunlike
Correct your spelling
duties unlike
 previous decades.
Moreover
, it diminishes the burden of feminine gender. To embark, in the present age,
women
 are provided with
similae
Correct your spelling
similar
work
 opportunities
in contrast
 to ancient times.
In other words
, gentlewomen were not considered to be
a primary breadwinners
Correct the article-noun agreement
primary breadwinners
a primary breadwinner
show examples
.
In addition
, gentlemen look after the economic affairs of a family.
Consequently
,
ladiesare
Correct your spelling
ladies are
 expected to carry out all the domestic chores.
For instance
, my grandfather was a school teacher
where
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 he
took
Verb problem
apply
show examples
took care of the financial sectors of our family. Whence, my grandmother does the household chores
such
 as cooking, washing and so on.
Therefore
, men did not have a chance to participate in housework and
women
 were not supposed to
work
.
Furthermore
, the encumbrance of ladies will be minimized. To elaborate, it is apparent that the window of opportunity for girls
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 wide open in employment.
Besides
, they
also
engagethemselves
Correct your spelling
engage themselves
 in homemaking.
Subsequently
, a woman will not be able to manage
home
Correct pronoun usage
her home
show examples
as well as
office
Correct article usage
an office
show examples
.
For example
, when a couple does domestic together, the female will be
liss
Correct your spelling
less
show examples
 oppressed and relaxed. To
encapsilate
Correct your spelling
encapsulate
,
women
 are provided with myriad chances of full-time
work
.
As a result
, it is indispensable to share the housework uniformly between the couple because girls hold the home accounts which is
unsimilar
Correct your spelling
unlike
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 days.
Besides
, it lessens the girls' load.
Submitted by thilagaraj7007 on

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introduction conclusion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and effectively summarize your main points and stance. This makes your argument stronger and more compelling to the reader.
logical structure
Work on developing a more cohesive logical structure within paragraphs and across the essay. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow of your argument.
supported main points
Provide clear and concise main points that directly support your argument. Avoid generalizations and ensure each main point is well-supported with relevant examples or evidence.
complete response
Make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Clearly state your position and ensure that all your ideas and examples are directly relevant to the argument you are making.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to articulate your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Work on presenting complex ideas clearly and in detail, using appropriate examples where necessary to enhance understanding.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples to reinforce your arguments. These examples should be directly relevant to the points you are making and help illustrate your stance more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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