Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would be little effects on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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While

Linking Words

some

people

Use synonyms

believe that building more

sports

Use synonyms

facilities

Use synonyms

is the most effective approach to

improve

Wrong verb form

improving

show examples

residents’

health

Use synonyms

, others argue that

this

Linking Words

has

Verb problem

does

show examples

not

many

Add a missing verb

have many

show examples

positive effects on public

health

Use synonyms

and

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

require

Correct subject-verb agreement

requires

show examples

other measures. Personally, it seems to me that citizens could gain undeniable advantages from exercising at public

sports

Use synonyms

places but other measures

also

Linking Words

play an integral role in public

health

Use synonyms

improvement. On the one hand, because prevention is better than cure, constructing

sports

Use synonyms

facilities

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

public places is a useful way to prevent citizens from diseases.

This

Linking Words

makes not only physical but

also

Linking Words

mental

health

Use synonyms

better since those places attract many

people

Use synonyms

come

Fix the infinitive

to come

show examples

and train together.

Sports

Use synonyms

facilities

Use synonyms

, especially

located

Correct pronoun usage

those located

show examples

in public spaces will inspire residents, even children and the elderly to exercise.

Besides

Linking Words

exercising physically together, citizens may share common things in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

such

Linking Words

as mutual interests which bring them closer and recover their spirit after long working days.

For example

Linking Words

, after witnessing an upward trend in the number of

people

Use synonyms

participating

Use synonyms

sports

Change preposition

in sports

show examples

games

Change preposition

show examples

public spaces, Thailand recorded a significant reduction in the number of patients in hospitals to be treated by psychological therapy.

On the other hand

Linking Words

healthcare

Correct article usage

the healthcare

show examples

system and educational methods are making outstanding contributions to protecting public

health

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, modern hospital

facilities

Use synonyms

which

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

is taking into account ensure patients’ peace of mind to be cured in case of suffering diseases.

In addition

Linking Words

, periodic

health

Use synonyms

checks organized by public hospitals help

people

Use synonyms

diagnose potential risks of diseases and find helpful treatments in an early manner.

Lastly

Linking Words

, educational methods raise resident’s awareness

Change preposition

show examples

process

Correct article usage

the process

show examples

of disease prevention and

health

Use synonyms

promotion which enable

people

Use synonyms

to increase control over their

health

Use synonyms

Therefore

Linking Words

, public

health

Use synonyms

is protected actively by residents’ medical knowledge. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

sports

Use synonyms

facilities

Use synonyms

certainly improve public

health

Use synonyms

, I do believe that other measures need to be invested in order to bring more

medically

Change the word

medical

show examples

mental and physical benefits to residents.

buyabuya201Sun Mar 24 2024

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task achievement

To improve task response, ensure a balanced discussion of both views alongside your own opinion. The essay does a good job but could further enhance by adding more specific examples or evidence to support statements.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence, consider varying your sentence structures and transitioning phrases to improve readability and flow between ideas even more. Your essay already shows strong cohesion, but varying sentence structure can make it even better.

task achievement

Increase the variety of examples you use to support your arguments. Real-world statistics, studies, or specific instances can make your arguments more convincing and provide a stronger foundation for your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would be little effects on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

People are having more and more sugar drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

One of the consequence of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You have decided to leave your current job even though you enjoy it. Write a letter to inform your manager of your decision. In your letter: tell the manager your decision and the reason describe what you have learnt in your current job ask the manager to write you a reference letter.

Some cities have vehicle-free days when private cars, trucks and motorcycles are banned from the city center. People are encouraged to use public transportation such as buses, taxis and metro on vehicle-free days. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?