Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would be little effects on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #effects #measures

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

While

some

people

believe that building more

sports

facilities

is the most effective approach to

improve

Wrong verb form

improving

show examples

residents’

health

, others argue that

this

has

Verb problem

does

show examples

not

many

Add a missing verb

have many

show examples

positive effects on public

health

and

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

require

Correct subject-verb agreement

requires

show examples

other measures. Personally, it seems to me that citizens could gain undeniable advantages from exercising at public

sports

places but other measures

also

play an integral role in public

health

improvement. On the one hand, because prevention is better than cure, constructing

sports

facilities

Change preposition

show examples

public places is a useful way to prevent citizens from diseases.

This

makes not only physical but

also

mental

health

better since those places attract many

people

come

Fix the infinitive

to come

show examples

and train together.

Sports

facilities

, especially

located

Correct pronoun usage

those located

show examples

in public spaces will inspire residents, even children and the elderly to exercise.

Besides

exercising physically together, citizens may share common things in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

such

as mutual interests which bring them closer and recover their spirit after long working days.

For example

, after witnessing an upward trend in the number of

people

participating

sports

Change preposition

in sports

show examples

games

Change preposition

show examples

public spaces, Thailand recorded a significant reduction in the number of patients in hospitals to be treated by psychological therapy.

On the other hand

healthcare

Correct article usage

the healthcare

show examples

system and educational methods are making outstanding contributions to protecting public

health

Firstly

, modern hospital

facilities

which

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

is taking into account ensure patients’ peace of mind to be cured in case of suffering diseases.

In addition

, periodic

health

checks organized by public hospitals help

people

diagnose potential risks of diseases and find helpful treatments in an early manner.

Lastly

, educational methods raise resident’s awareness

Change preposition

show examples

process

Correct article usage

the process

show examples

of disease prevention and

health

promotion which enable

people

to increase control over their

health

Therefore

, public

health

is protected actively by residents’ medical knowledge. In conclusion,

while

sports

facilities

certainly improve public

health

, I do believe that other measures need to be invested in order to bring more

medically

Change the word

medical

show examples

mental and physical benefits to residents.

Submitted by buyabuya201 on Sun Mar 24 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

To improve task response, ensure a balanced discussion of both views alongside your own opinion. The essay does a good job but could further enhance by adding more specific examples or evidence to support statements.

coherence cohesion

To enhance coherence, consider varying your sentence structures and transitioning phrases to improve readability and flow between ideas even more. Your essay already shows strong cohesion, but varying sentence structure can make it even better.

task achievement

Increase the variety of examples you use to support your arguments. Real-world statistics, studies, or specific instances can make your arguments more convincing and provide a stronger foundation for your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Which of the following factors is the most important when deciding to get a job? Choose one of the options below and provide specific reasons or examples. Location The opportunity to learn various work skills The possibility of a long-term career: Có khả năng làm việc lâu dài
Nobody can deny that the most important when deciding to get a job includes many factors such as: location, the opportunity to learn various work skills, and the possibility of a long–term career. In my opinion, that depends on which stage which I am in in my career. I will discuss with specific reasons and examples below.
4.5
band
A friend of yours is thinking of going on a camping holiday for the first time this summer. He/She has asked for your advise In your letter: • explain why you think your friend would enjoy a camping holiday. •describe some possible disadvantages. •say whether you would like to go camping with your friend this summer
Hello my friend.How are you I think you are so good because I hear your plan this summer from your sister. You will go to the camping.I guess this correct decision due to this year is very hardly and any problem. You should go to camping for chill out. I guess you worth it like this camping holiday I guess you worth it. Considering, you always hard work on your job. In addition you have focus on your job.
6.5
band
Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business.
There is some view that people trust the individuals who graduated with the education have the length of knowledge more than others who self-study. I partially agree with this statement because there are many learning resources nowadays.
6.5
band
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreing language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Each year, a lot of people migrate to other countries for several reasons. Although there are many opportunities for these individuals, I agree to some extent that sometimes many people are faced with major social and practical problems.
<4
band
There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports centre that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. •describe what the problem with the changing rooms is • say what happened the last times you complained • explain what you want the manager to do.
I am writing to complain about the changing room in the sports center and its customer service. I often use this sports center. Reason I said that is, this sports center has swimming pools, football stadiums, gyms and many more. But the problem I am experiencing is the changing rooms ventilation system. You may think that it can not be that big problem, but after you trained for more than a hour or two, bodies temperature gets hot and as the result of that some kind of smells starts to come out from your body. Because of rooms air gets dirty fast staying in there for at least a minute is going to get impossible. Not only ventilation system, but also customer service is also unacceptable. Because I have complained about changing rooms for days and they did not respond to me once. Mistakes happens in our daily life but this one is kind of hard to accept. I would be thankful if you fix the problems that I wrote down. I look forward to receiving a resolution to my problem.

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would be little effects on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Which of the following factors is the most important when deciding to get a job? Choose one of the options below and provide specific reasons or examples. Location The opportunity to learn various work skills The possibility of a long-term career: Có khả năng làm việc lâu dài

Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreing language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports centre that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. •describe what the problem with the changing rooms is • say what happened the last times you complained • explain what you want the manager to do.