An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative developmen
In
this
modern era, people
normally spend their time watching TV and other entertainment shows. On the TV we often see plenty of public figures with high-level beauty appearances. This
leads to the audience expect the same face or body
figures as their idol. As a result
, plastic surgery
has become a trend in society. This
essay will clarify why this
phenomenon is a negative situation.
To begin
with, cosmetic surgery
is taken to enhance the beauty of the body
. However
, the
“beauty itself” is made up by Correct article usage
apply
the
society Correct article usage
apply
that
they set up some unrealistic standards of Correct word choice
and
body
types. In some society
, women are considered appealing if they have full lips or sharp noses. Fix the agreement mistake
societies
Consequently
, people
lose confidence in themselves and are pursuing to fit the beauty standard. This
sort of mindset is disadvantageous because people
gradually lose their self-esteem and satisfaction. In many cases, people
tend to do multiple surgeries after one another which often shape
their Correct subject-verb agreement
shapes
body
to appear disfigured, which Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
to
even destroy their goal, Correct pronoun usage
them to
instead
of actualize
it.
Wrong verb form
actualising
Furthermore
, several surgery
methods are followed by subsequent potential health issues. For instance
, some people
opt for silicone gel to augment their breast size. Little do they know that they would be haunted by the probability of nerve damage or breast cancer. Additionally
, it is also
often a
case, that some Correct article usage
the
people
from lower economy
Replace the word
economic
condition
attempt to undergo a Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
surgery
procedure with economical
price that Add an article
the economical
an economical
often
done by incompetent Add a missing verb
is often
worker
and often Fix the agreement mistake
workers
cause
the patient to suffer from its failure.
In conclusion, I determine Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
this
trend as an unfavorable
issue which can disadvantage Change the spelling
unfavourable
people
mentally and physically.Submitted by syarahfatiha321 on
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task achievement
Your essay sufficiently addresses the topic, however, it leans heavily towards the negative aspects without considering the question: 'Why are more people choosing to have operations?' Make sure to answer all parts of the question comprehensively.
task achievement
Consider providing more balanced views on the topic by discussing not just the negative but also potential positive aspects, even if your conclusion leans towards the negative. This will help provide a more rounded response to the question posed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay displays a logical structure, but the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use linking phrases like 'furthermore', 'in addition' or 'however' more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Introduce more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your points. This not only enhances readability but also shows your language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate specific examples or data to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your case but also demonstrates your ability to draw from real-world scenarios to support your opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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