An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In the present day, many individuals spend a considerable time consuming television and other entertainment content. These platforms typically showcase numerous public figures who possess exceptionally attractive appearances.

As a result

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, viewers often aspire to attain similar facial features or body shapes as their idols.

This

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has led to the widespread popularity of plastic surgery in society.

This

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essay will elucidate why

this

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phenomenon is deemed detrimental.

Initially

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speaking, cosmetic surgery is sought to improve body aesthetics.

However

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, the concept of "beauty" is largely shaped by societal norms, often setting standards that are unrealistic and unattainable for many.

For instance

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, in certain societies, women are deemed appealing if they possess full lips, sharp noses, big breasts or tan skin.

Consequently

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, a person may experience a decrease in self-confidence as they strive to conform to these beauty ideals.

This

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mindset can be detrimental, leading to a gradual erosion of self-esteem and satisfaction.

Moreover

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, in many cases, human beings undergo multiple surgeries in succession, resulting in a distorted body image rather than achieving their intended goal.

Furthermore

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, there are potential health risks associated with various surgical methods.

For instance

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, some women may opt for silicone gel breast implants unaware of the risks of nerve damage or breast cancer.

Additionally

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, it is not uncommon for people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds to seek inexpensive surgical options, often performed by unqualified practitioners, resulting in adverse outcomes for the patient. In conclusion, I determine

this

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trend as an unfavourable issue which can disadvantage people mentally and physically.

syarahfatiha321Sun Mar 24 2024

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task achievement

While your essay provides a clear stance on the topic, broadening the scope of your discussion to include not only the negative aspects but also acknowledging the possible positive reasons people undergo cosmetic surgery would enhance your task response. Addressing both sides even if you lean towards one, adds depth to your analysis.

coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a logical flow. However, you can improve by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This not only aids reader comprehension but also demonstrates your lexical range.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clearly marked, which is good. Improve by restating your main points more succinctly in the conclusion to reinforce your argument and provide a satisfying closure.

task achievement

In order to substantiate your arguments, integrate more specific examples and evidence. This could be in the form of statistics, real-life cases, or credible studies. Such details can elevate the persuasiveness and specifics of your response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Your opinion

Governments should spend money on education than that of sports and recreation. Do you agree or disagree?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, children have high influence of social media on friends on their lives. Whereas, some people believe that they have higher influence of their parents. Discuss both points and give your opinion.

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many differences from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasons?Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages??