It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child’s development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays a significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The
development
of a child
is a long term
progress and Add a hyphen
long-term
affected
by many factors coming from both inside and outside of them. There are cases where Add a missing verb
is affected
children
are grown up with bad behaviours due to
the influence of media, pop cultures
and Fix the agreement mistake
culture
friends
. Beside
that, there are Replace the word
Besides
also
children
whose parents cause
bad Verb problem
have
affects
on their Replace the word
effects
development
. So what is
the most important factors that affect a Change the verb form
are
child
's development
?
Educational
environment seems to be an important factor as it directly forms the characteristics of Add an article
The educational
children
. Enfants
usually do what they were taught and perform what they think Correct your spelling
Infants
it
is fine. Correct pronoun usage
apply
In addition
, friends
are another factor to be concerned when
we take into Change preposition
about when
accounts
all elements affecting their mental and physical health. The Vietnamese Fix the agreement mistake
account
ancient
stated that learning from Correct word choice
apply
friends
is more
better than learning from teachers. Change the word
apply
Therefore
inappropriate development
of a child
can be a result of having unproper
Correct your spelling
improper
friends
.
On
Change preposition
In
the
other Correct article usage
apply
word
, pop Fix the agreement mistake
words
cultures
and media which are not suitable for Fix the agreement mistake
culture
children
also
cause
a bad influence on the thinking of a Verb problem
have
child
. Children
who spend most of their time playing video games or watching violent movies tend to have vilolent
behaviours.
Correct your spelling
violent
Nonetheless
, children
can avoid all of above
factors with the help of their parents. They are the Correct article usage
the above
persons
Replace the word
people
who
Change the pronoun
whom
children
believe in the most, hence
the words from their parent
are more important to them than those from Fix the agreement mistake
parents
friends
, teachers or actors on
movies. Change preposition
in
Therefore
in my point of view, family plays a significant role of
deciding how a Change preposition
in
children
is raised.
In conclusion, I believe family is the main factor that Change the noun form
child
have
a strong influence on the Change the verb form
has
development
of a child
.Submitted by nghiangh on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt partially but lacks depth in exploring both views. To improve, ensure you give equal attention to discussing both perspectives before presenting your opinion. Expand on each point with more detailed examples and explanations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay starts with an introduction and ends with a conclusion, which is good. However, to enhance coherence, make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea. Additionally, try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
