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Band 4.5

Do you agreet hat the advantages of cars bring ouutweigh the disadvantage?

#agreet #hat #cars #ouutweigh
Cars
has
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have
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 been becoming popular and easy to obtain nowadays.
Although
 owning
car
Add an article
a car
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 has greatly improved a commuter's comfort and travel time, looking at
a
Correct article usage
the
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 bigger picture, I strongly believe that the disadvantages
outweighs
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outweigh
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 the advantages
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 in
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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 of the environment and human health. When
COVID
Correct article usage
the COVID
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 pandemic hit in the year 2020,
environmentalist
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environmentalists
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 observed a great
dcerease
Correct your spelling
decrease
 in carbon emissions, nature started to heal and clear skies started to be seen anywhere in the world. New York, one of the cities with the heaviest pollution and fog
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
, reported that for a very long time, blue skies were visibly seen and air pollution was at
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 lowest as noticed by
new yorkers
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New Yorkers
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. The pause of traffic and running
cars
 has helped the
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
 breathe and recover from the harmful effects of too much pollution caused by
cars
.
On the other hand
, personal
cars
 have become one of the most convenient
item
Change to a plural noun
items
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 a person can own. It brings comfort and helps people by giving
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
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 freedom in movement and in decreasing stress levels compared to public transportation.
However
, it promotes less physical movement
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 concerns a number of health
advocate
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advocates
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. Researchers noted that cardiovascular diseases have increased significantly
this
 decade. Having a car promotes less walking because of the
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 it brings which leads to less physical movement and increased heart
diseases
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disease
show examples
.
To conclude
, despite the the fact that
cars
 have revolutionized transportation, I still believe that the negative impact outshines the
posoitive
Correct your spelling
positive
 ones.
Submitted by decxelnarjoyragas on

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task achievement
Sharpen the clarity of your introduction by directly responding to the essay question and stating your position clearly. For instance: "Although cars offer undeniable convenience, I believe their disadvantages, particularly concerning environmental and health impacts, outweigh their benefits."
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs further by linking them with cohesive devices, such as 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'Consequently.' This will strengthen the overall flow of your essay.
General advice
Proofread your essay to correct typographical and grammatical errors, such as 'outweighs the advantages especially in aspect of the environment' should be 'outweigh the advantages, especially in aspects of the environment.' Consistent accuracy in language use will improve your score.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and data to support your arguments, such as mentioning specific studies or statistics when discussing the health impacts of using cars. This will strengthen your essay's persuasive power.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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