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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that going to a fitness centre regularly is unnecessary. Instead, they believe that combining occasional exercise (such as going for walks) with a balanced diet is enough to stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #fitness #centre #exercise #diet
One of the main reasons is that these days
due to
 eating junk
food
such
 as Hamburgers , chips and pizza people
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 become obese rather than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
.
For example
 in the UK over seventy
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of individuals have overweight and eat unhealthy
food
. To tackle
this
 issue, either people should not eat unhealthy
food
 or the government should
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
increase
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
food
.
Submitted by hoseinyasemi.ir on

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Task Achievement
To improve task response, ensure you fully address the topic by discussing your position on whether going to a fitness centre regularly is necessary or not. Expand your argument by exploring both sides or by clearly supporting your viewpoint with detailed explanations and more specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, structure your essay with a clear introduction, a series of well-organized paragraphs each containing one main idea, and a conclusion that restates your main points and position. Use linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Introduction and Conclusion
Include an introduction that clearly states your opinion on the topic and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. This will help in fulfilling the expectations for a complete response with a logical structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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