IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth
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A school of thought holds that the authorities should invest more money in space research into another habitable planet.
However
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, I am firmly convinced that that amount of money should be used to deal with current issues on earth. In
this
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 following essay, I will discuss both sides
as well as
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 outline my own opinion. On the one hand, it is undeniable that looking for another livable planet is essential. One of the main reasons for
this
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being
Wrong verb form
is that
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 the earth is running out of necessary resources
due to
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 the overexploitation of humans, namely petroleum and minerals. Lacking those kinds of resources, obviously, will hinder the existence of people.
Thus
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, humans are having the urge to search for alternative energy from space
,
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apply
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 or even another place to live.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 approach appears to be rather costly and uncertain.
On the other hand
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, advocates for the latter assert that governments should cope with the ongoing concerns on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
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 first. In fact, there has been a wide range of problems posing a serious threat to people's well-being.
For instance
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, in some developing countries, poverty has increased the nation’s crime rates and detrimentally affected its growth.
Therefore
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, there is an urgent need
for resolving
Change preposition
to resolve
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 those immediate matters before investing too much in space studies in order to ensure the long-term stability of society. To recapitulate,
while
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 looking for another planet can be a great measure, it takes an enormous amount of money and I doubt its viability. It is vital for the government to take everything into account and strike the balance between those two concerns to ensure the nation’s development.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is clearly focused on a single main idea, and use topic sentences effectively to introduce these ideas.
task achievement
Develop arguments by including more detailed examples and explanations. While your essay mentions general reasons and outcomes, including specific data or case studies can significantly strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical connectors to improve the flow of your essay. Your argument would benefit from more sophisticated linking words that not only connect sentences but also organize the progression of ideas both within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
Introduce a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This will also help improve the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
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