Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these people. Discuss both systems and give your opinion about which one you think is better
It is well
knonw
that in some countries, Their communities Correct your spelling
known
know
has
special needs Change the verb form
have
such
as those who are retired, without a job, or mentally and physically disabled are receiving financial assistance
from their government
. However
, in some other countries, this
group of people
are living without any subsidy and are forced to rely on their families. This
essay will discuss both these political systems and provide reasons for why the system that provides financial assistance
is better for the individuals as well as
the society.
Financial assistance
from the government
is vital and beneficial for people
with special needs who cannot live independently. For example
, a person who has been in a car accident and become
injured is unable to function without Change the verb form
becomes
assistance
. Unfortunately, their family members might not be available all the time to provide them with the support
that they desperately need. Thus
, they need external help in order to survive and make ends meet. In addition
, a number of unemployed and disabled people
, after receiving financial assistance
the
Change preposition
from the
government
, are able to get back on their feet and contribute to the
society. Those who are able to secure employment will Correct article usage
apply
also
pay income tax which will further
help other people
to recover from their misfortune.
on the other hand
, some other governments do not possess to provide financial support
for those in need . As a result
, families
members are expected to Change the noun form
family
support
these people
. Although
this
places pressure on numerous family members, they can provide better support
especially emotion
Replace the word
emotional
support
for their love . Furthurmore
, the Correct your spelling
Furthermore
people
with special needs might enjoy the assistance
from their families more than the government
.
In conclusion, even though disadvantaged citizens may benefit from both systems, I am of the opinion that the governments that provide financial subsidies are more helpful. Therefore
, this
form of government
should be widely encouraged.Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on
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Task Achievement
Aim to offer more specific, real-life examples to support your arguments. While general statements are informative, detailed anecdotes or statistics could make your points more compelling and credible.
Task Achievement
Check for spelling and grammatical errors such as 'well knonw' which should be 'well known', and 'their communities has' which should be 'their communities have'. Additionally, watch for minor errors with articles ('a number of unemployed and disabled people' could simply be 'several unemployed and disabled people') that can distract from the overall clarity of your message.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, be consistent in your essay's point of view. Switching from 'their' to 'our' or 'we' can confuse readers. Staying consistent helps maintain a coherent voice throughout the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Including transition phrases can aid in the flow of your essay, improving connectivity between sentences and paragraphs. Consider incorporating transitions such as 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the contrary,' to signal shifts in ideas or to add information.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?