Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some claim that it can benefit only the workers not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

The advancement of technology makes the workers being able to work remotely.
However
, some people believe that the
employees
are the ones who receive benefits from
this
. I wholeheartedly disagree, and
this
essay will explain that remote working would be beneficial for the employers too as they might reduce their expenses for the
employees
and buildings. Regarding
this
, working remotely would be beneficial as it will reduce time for travelling to the office.
This
would have a positive impact on the
employees
, as it influences their flexibility,
hence
making them have a better work-life balance and increasing their well-being.
For instance
, in metropolitan cities,
such
as Jakarta and Surabaya, commuting itself would consume around two hours of time during peak hours. There has been research showing that the longer the time of
the
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commuting between workplace and home, the more prone the
employees
are to experience depression. As it can be well-prevented through remote working, the company might even spend less money on the
employees
' welfare. Not only for the welfare, the employers might spend even less money on the company buildings. As everything would be done online, especially the
meetings
,
then
the physical building would not necessarily exist as a working site. Using online platforms,
such
as Zoom and Google
Meetings
, to hold online
meetings
would be more convenient. Suppose they need to have face-to-face
meetings
, reserving some coworking spaces would be a viable option. Many coworking spaces are offering low prices with great facilities.
Therefore
, the allocation of the money could be spent
elsewhere
,
such
as development of the business and marketing strategies. In conclusion, with the improvement of
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technology
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technologies
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technology
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, many workers have opted to work online.
This
is not only beneficial for them, but
also
for the company as they could reduce their budget for the
employees
' well-being programs and the working site property.
Submitted by aldawinonaz on

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Task Achievement
Be sure to address the prompt directly in your introduction. While your position is clear, explicitly mentioning how employers benefit alongside employees can strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear introduction and conclusion, but ensure the conclusion fully synthesizes your argument rather than briefly summarizing points.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by linking them more directly to the prompt. Discuss how decreased commuter stress or reduced physical office needs not only benefit employees but also positively impact employer outcomes, like productivity and financial savings.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more smoothly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Remote work
  • Modern technology
  • Advancements
  • Flexibility
  • Reduced commute
  • Work-life balance
  • Overhead costs
  • Global talent pool
  • Increased productivity
  • Team cohesion
  • Communication hurdles
  • Monitoring employee productivity
  • Mitigated
  • Facilitation
  • Albeit
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