Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some claim that it can benefit only the workers not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

The advancement of technology makes the workers being able to work remotely.

However

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, some people believe that the

employees

Use synonyms

are the ones who receive benefits from

this

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. I wholeheartedly disagree, and

this

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essay will explain that remote working would be beneficial for the employers too as they might reduce their expenses for the

employees

Use synonyms

and buildings.

Body paragraph 1

Regarding

this

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, working remotely would be beneficial as it will reduce time for travelling to the office.

This

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would have a positive impact on the

employees

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, as it influences their flexibility,

hence

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making them have a better work-life balance and increasing their well-being.

For instance

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, in metropolitan cities,

such

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as Jakarta and Surabaya, commuting itself would consume around two hours of time during peak hours. There has been research showing that the longer the time of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

commuting between workplace and home, the more prone the

employees

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are to experience depression. As it can be well-prevented through remote working, the company might even spend less money on the

employees

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' welfare.

Body paragraph 2

Not only for the welfare, the employers might spend even less money on the company buildings. As everything would be done online, especially the

meetings

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then

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the physical building would not necessarily exist as a working site. Using online platforms,

such

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as Zoom and Google

Meetings

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, to hold online

meetings

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would be more convenient. Suppose they need to have face-to-face

meetings

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, reserving some coworking spaces would be a viable option. Many coworking spaces are offering low prices with great facilities.

Therefore

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, the allocation of the money could be spent

elsewhere

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such

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as development of the business and marketing strategies.

Conclusion

In conclusion, with the improvement of

Fix the agreement mistake

technology

show examples

technologies

Fix the agreement mistake

technology

show examples

, many workers have opted to work online.

This

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is not only beneficial for them, but

also

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for the company as they could reduce their budget for the

employees

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' well-being programs and the working site property.

aldawinonaz

Mar 25, 2024

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Task Achievement

Be sure to address the prompt directly in your introduction. While your position is clear, explicitly mentioning how employers benefit alongside employees can strengthen your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay benefits from a clear introduction and conclusion, but ensure the conclusion fully synthesizes your argument rather than briefly summarizing points.

Task Achievement

Expand on your examples by linking them more directly to the prompt. Discuss how decreased commuter stress or reduced physical office needs not only benefit employees but also positively impact employer outcomes, like productivity and financial savings.

Coherence & Cohesion

Improve cohesion by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more smoothly.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

307 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Remote work
Modern technology
Advancements
Flexibility
Reduced commute
Work-life balance
Overhead costs
Global talent pool
Increased productivity
Team cohesion
Communication hurdles
Monitoring employee productivity
Mitigated
Facilitation
Albeit

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