IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups.

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups.
#show #people #two #age #groups
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart expresses the information what makes
people
 most happy for two different age groups.
Overall
, to be happy
people
 under 30 pick travelling and having a good appearance.
However
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
people
 over 30 choose being with family and financial security. Meanwhile,
people
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 two different age groups feel happy because of achievement at work.
According to
 the
information
Add a comma
information,
show examples
 22% of
people
 under 30 feel happy doing hobbies and having a good appearance
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
happy
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
18% of teenagers. Achievement at work
produce
Verb problem
makes
show examples
people
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
 than other factors. 15% youngest
people
 pick out travelling to be happy. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, being with family makes 14% of
people
 happy over 30. To feel happy 32% of
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
show examples
 pick achievement at work.
Differences
Fix the agreement mistake
Difference
show examples
 between choosing financial security and doing hobbies is 4% and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
people
 over 30 pick out other factors to be happy.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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