IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups.

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups.
#show #people #two #age #groups
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart expresses the information what makes
people
Use synonyms
 most happy for two different age groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, to be happy
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 pick travelling and having a good appearance.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
at
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 the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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people
Use synonyms
 over 30 choose being with family and financial security. Meanwhile,
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 two different age groups feel happy because of achievement at work.
According to
Linking Words
 the
information
Add a comma
information,
show examples
 22% of
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 feel happy doing hobbies and having a good appearance
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
happy
Correct word choice
apply
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18% of teenagers. Achievement at work
produce
Verb problem
makes
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people
Use synonyms
more happy
Replace the words
happier
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 than other factors. 15% youngest
people
Use synonyms
 pick out travelling to be happy. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, being with family makes 14% of
people
Use synonyms
 happy over 30. To feel happy 32% of
oldest
Correct article usage
the oldest
show examples
 pick achievement at work.
Differences
Fix the agreement mistake
Difference
show examples
 between choosing financial security and doing hobbies is 4% and
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 over 30 pick out other factors to be happy.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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