Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people thinkk that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Historically, The Industrial Revolution changed
rate
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the rate
show examples
of productivity
to
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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worldwide,
then
nowadays many recognized companies that produce and export many products with
high
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the high
a high
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scope of warehouses and products have been created.
However
, there have been many consequences and some people argue that local companies could
dissapear
Correct your spelling
disappear
due to
low revenues. I partially agree with
this
statement because these are considered two different types of marketing and people purchase goods in both of them depending on what they are looking for.
Firstly
, many supermarkets and shopping stores, which are highly recognized, have shown
facilites
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facilities
to obtain articles.
For example
, Falabella
that
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which
show examples
is a big clothing company founded in Chile has many branches in Colombia and offers well-known brands
such
PatPrimo
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as PatPrimo
show examples
, Gucci, Channel, Basement, etc.
Then
, most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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people are able to acquire
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
type of merchandise
due to
its lower cost. As a
cosequence
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consequence
of
this
, it represents high rates of sales and profits gained by big corporations.
However
, local establishments are still maintained owing to
its
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their
show examples
main advantages,
such
as
:
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apply
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high-quality and personalized articles
as well as
textures and flavours that are much
more
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apply
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fresh
Replace the word
fresher
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in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
of marketing food.
For example
, in
Colombia
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Colombia,
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there is a specific type of cookies, which are called "Achiras", not only produced from a crop that
just
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apply
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could be cultivated and harvested locally but
also
just
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apply
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specific artisans have the principal recipe.
For
this
reason, The
Goverment
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government
has generated new rules and
polices
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policies
show examples
to maintain
this
regional production.
To sum up
,
although
many goods are bought in supermarkets, small
bussines
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businesses
still represent
high-competitiveness
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high competitiveness
show examples
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
specific
attibutes
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attributes
.
As a consequence
, both types of markets are maintained and improved.
Submitted by luciaagudelomotta on

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task achievement
Your essay successfully address the topic and makes a relevant argument, but the response is not fully developed to answer the question of local communities' death comprehensively. Consider specifying how supermarkets' rise affect local communities directly to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is generally logical, but it can benefit from clearer connection between paragraphs and more explicit signposting to guide the reader through your argument. Try using transition phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
To strengthen your essay, make sure your introduction outlines your main points, and your conclusion summarises them clearly. This will help make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied and complex sentence structures to add depth to your argument. Additionally, pay attention to minor spelling and grammar errors, as correcting these will enhance the readability of your essay.
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