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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the data about average income for one person in dollar, 2 different ages; under 18 and over 60, and poor population in percentage in three states in US, namely in California, Utah and Florida

The table shows the data about average income for one person in dollar, 2 different ages; under 18 and over 60, and poor population in percentage in three states in US, namely in California, Utah and Florida
#data #income #person #dollar #ages #population #percentage #three #states #california #utah #florida
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The table shows the data about
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 for one
person
Use synonyms
 in
Add an article
the dollar
a dollar
show examples
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
, 2 different ages; under 18 and over 60, and poor
population
Use synonyms
 in percentage in three states in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
, namely
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
California
Use synonyms
,
Utah
Use synonyms
 and
Florida
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest average
income
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 is in
California
Use synonyms
 and
Florida
Use synonyms
,
by contrast
Linking Words
, the rate of poor
population
Use synonyms
 is the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 in
Utah
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 clear that the percentage of hardworking
people
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters aged under 18 in
Use synonyms
Utah among
Change preposition
Utah's
show examples
 three countries. Looking at the details, more young
people
Use synonyms
, aged under 18, work in
Utah
Use synonyms
, 28%,
while
Linking Words
 the highest rate of
people
Use synonyms
 who work in their ages over 60 in
Florida
Use synonyms
 is 23 %.
Comparing
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to the percentage of
this
Linking Words
 category for the state of
California
Use synonyms
, the share for the most employed
people
Use synonyms
 is 17% among
people
Use synonyms
 aged under 18, whilst 13%
employees
Change preposition
of employees
show examples
 keep their working lifestyle
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
after their 60s. Turning into average
income
Use synonyms
 per
person
Use synonyms
 and
population
Use synonyms
 below
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line, the staff who get the highest salary is in
California
Use synonyms
 and
Florida
Use synonyms
, 23.000 and 22.0000 US
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the high
income
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
California
Use synonyms
, the share of poor
people
Use synonyms
 consists of 16% of the
population
Use synonyms
, which is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 states.
Although
Linking Words
 the salary is
lesser
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 in
Utah
Use synonyms
, 17.000 US
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 per
person
Use synonyms
, the proportion of the poor is
also
Linking Words
 the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
, 9%, there
Submitted by Shaxnoza on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, person, population, california, utah, florida, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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