Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays
due to
the development of modern technologies
almost everyone can see Add a comma
technologies,
Add an article
the exhibition
exhibition
online, Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
therefore
museums
are longer useful for the
society. I strongly disagree with Correct article usage
apply
this
statement, hence
new technologies
extend access to the
knowledge, Correct article usage
apply
however
does not take the job of Add the comma(s)
however,
museums
, hence
they can provide totaly
different Correct your spelling
totally
level
of Fix the agreement mistake
levels
emergening
in history.
On one hand, online galleries can not replace Correct your spelling
emerging
emotions
that Correct article usage
the emotions
museums
provides
. Change the verb form
provide
For instance
, Louvre
has thousands of visitors every day, and most of them are gathered to see the Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci, one of the most famous paintings. Correct article usage
the Louvre
Furthermore
, most of those people
who dream to see
the Mona Lisa, have already seen her plenty of times online. Change preposition
of seeing
However
it can not replace emotions from witnessing Add a comma
However,
such
a masterpiece in real life. Therefore
, people
would continue to visit museums
even so
they Correct word choice
though
already
aware Add a missing verb
were already
what
would they see there.
Change preposition
of what
Furthermore
, technologies
can be used for the benefit of museums
. For example
, there is a new museum in Dubai which is not about the history but the future of humanity, there are new technologies
that help people
to emerse
into the exhibition. Correct your spelling
emerge
immerse
Therefore
, technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
just
an instrument for humanity and it can be used to improve experience drastically.
In conclusion, new Add a missing verb
is just
technologies
can provide additional information or give access to people
who can not visit museums
. However
, they can not replace the emotions and feelings from visiting museums
. I personally think that online galleries can not take over museums
, and replace them.Submitted by dyussenovaanel on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a more varied sentence structure to enhance the readability of your essay. Incorporating complex sentences and utilizing a wide range of conjunctions can make your arguments flow more smoothly and engagingly.
Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen your essay's coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence. This will make your arguments more persuasive and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, make sure to directly address the prompt by explicitly stating your position on the issue in both the introduction and the conclusion. This clarity will enhance the overall impact of your essay.
Task Achievement
To improve your score further, integrate a wider variety of vocabulary related to the topic. Using specific terms related to museums, technology, and emotions can add depth and precision to your arguments.