IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Since most information about culture and history can be found online, museums are no longer needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays
due to
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 the development of modern
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technologies
Add a comma
technologies,
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 almost everyone can see
Add an article
the exhibition
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exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
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 online,
therefore
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museums
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 are longer useful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement,
hence
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 new
technologies
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 extend access to
the
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apply
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knowledge,
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however
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however,
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 does not take the job of
museums
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,
hence
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 they can provide
totaly
Correct your spelling
totally
 different
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
emergening
Correct your spelling
emerging
 in history. On one hand, online galleries can not replace
emotions
Correct article usage
the emotions
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 that
museums
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provides
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provide
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.
For instance
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,
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
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 has thousands of visitors every day, and most of them are gathered to see the Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci, one of the most famous paintings.
Furthermore
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, most of those
people
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 who dream
to see
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of seeing
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 the Mona Lisa, have already seen her plenty of times online.
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However
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However,
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 it can not replace emotions from witnessing
such
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 a masterpiece in real life.
Therefore
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,
people
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 would continue to visit
museums
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 even
so
Correct word choice
though
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 they
already
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were already
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 aware
what
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of what
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 would they see there.
Furthermore
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,
technologies
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 can be used for the benefit of
museums
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.
For example
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, there is a new museum in Dubai which is not about the history but the future of humanity, there are new
technologies
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 that help
people
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 to
emerse
Correct your spelling
emerge
immerse
 into the exhibition.
Therefore
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,
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technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
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just
Add a missing verb
is just
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 an instrument for humanity and it can be used to improve experience drastically. In conclusion, new
technologies
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 can provide additional information or give access to
people
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 who can not visit
museums
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.
However
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, they can not replace the emotions and feelings from visiting
museums
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. I personally think that online galleries can not take over
museums
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, and replace them.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a more varied sentence structure to enhance the readability of your essay. Incorporating complex sentences and utilizing a wide range of conjunctions can make your arguments flow more smoothly and engagingly.
Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen your essay's coherence, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence. This will make your arguments more persuasive and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, make sure to directly address the prompt by explicitly stating your position on the issue in both the introduction and the conclusion. This clarity will enhance the overall impact of your essay.
Task Achievement
To improve your score further, integrate a wider variety of vocabulary related to the topic. Using specific terms related to museums, technology, and emotions can add depth and precision to your arguments.
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