IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The debate over whether teenagers ought to allocate equal attention to all academic
subjects
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 or solely
focus
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 on those they find intriguing and excel in is a contentious one.
This
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 essay will explore both perspectives, ultimately endorsing the latter viewpoint, which emphasizes specialized
focus
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 based on individual
interests
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 and strengths. Advocates of a balanced educational
approach
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 argue that an equal
focus
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 on all
subjects
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 is essential for the comprehensive development of young minds.
This
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 perspective emphasizes that a broad curriculum exposes
students
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 to a diverse array of knowledge, fostering well-rounded individuals. It cultivates a versatile skill set, enabling
students
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 to tackle various challenges and adapt to changing circumstances in the future.
For instance
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, excelling in both humanities and sciences ensures that a student develops both analytical and creative thinking abilities.
This
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approach
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also
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 prevents premature specialization, allowing teenagers to discover and explore their
interests
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 thoroughly before making pivotal career decisions.
Conversely
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, many, including myself, believe that teenagers should prioritize
subjects
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 that captivate their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 and align with their innate abilities. Focusing on areas of strength and passion not only boosts academic performance
due to
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 heightened engagement and motivation but
also
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 fosters deeper learning and expertise. Specialization can lead to early professional development, providing
students
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 with a head start in their future careers. A student passionate about mathematics,
for instance
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, would benefit more from intensifying their
focus
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 in
this
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 area, potentially leading to innovations or advanced studies in mathematical fields.
This
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 tailored
approach
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 respects individual differences in
interests
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 and aptitudes, promoting personal and academic
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
. In conclusion,
while
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 evenly distributing academic efforts across all disciplines can create well-rounded individuals, concentrating on
subjects
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 that align with one's
interests
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 and strengths offers profound benefits in deep learning and personal satisfaction. The latter
approach
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, which I advocate, respects individual uniqueness and can lead to significant achievements and
fulfillment
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fulfilment
show examples
 in
students
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' chosen areas.

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task response
Expand on the significance of examples to strengthen your arguments. Include more specific examples from real life or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points more vividly.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph flows logically into the next. Use transitional phrases more effectively to create a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify your introduction and conclusion to make your position and main points more evident to the reader. This will also enhance the overall cohesiveness of your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
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