IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Homelessness is increasing in many major cities around the world. What do you think are the main causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

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The large number of
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have accommodation is rising in many megapolices worldwide.
This
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 essay will discuss
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
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 including joblessness and
scams
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 with property.
This
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 essay will
also
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 suggest solutions to
this
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 problem
such
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 as creating workplaces and educating
people
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 to be more careful.           In big cities,
people
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 suffer from homelessness because they do not have a job. Overpopulation causes not enough workplaces for everyone and everyone has a risk of staying without
work
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 or finding it.
In addition
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, one of the reasons is
scams
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. Nowadays,  there are many deceivers, who are specialists from different kinds of
organizations
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 which are connected with property charity. They make "special offers" in most cases for elderly
people
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, and they lose their homes.
For example
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, in Russia,
according to
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 a statistics report by police
on
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apply
show examples
scams
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 about property
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 increased.        A possible solution to
this
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 issue is creating more accessible
work
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 for citizens. Governments can create
organizations
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 whose goal will help
people
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 find an occupation or give them paid local
work
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,
such
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 as cleaning parks or simple building
work
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.
Also
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, these
organizations
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 provide short courses in which professionals will teach humans without a degree of basic knowledge of different professions. Another possible solution is educating humans about how to avoid
scams
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. Governments can make short videos of how they rightly use the internet and how they see a difference between deceivers and honest
people
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, and these videos can be shown
while
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 advertising.
For instance
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, in
Uzbekistan
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Uzbekistan,
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 there is an organization which helps students who are not going to go to university find
work
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.        In conclusion, in big cities, unemployment and deception cause homelessness.
However
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, it can be simply solved by creating special
organizations
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for helping
Change preposition
to help
show examples
 find a job and making educated videos about how
people
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 will not be deceived.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear, logical structure. It is vital to effectively organize your paragraphs, beginning with an introduction that presents the topic, followed by body paragraphs that discuss each cause and solution separately, and ending with a well-defined conclusion that summarizes your ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion. While your essay begins with an introduction and ends with a conclusion, greater clarity and purpose in these sections could further improve your essay. Clearly state your main argument in the introduction and succinctly summarize your discussion in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with detailed examples and explanations. While you offer some examples, such as scams in Russia and the organization in Uzbekistan, providing more detailed, specific examples and explaining how they directly relate to your points will strengthen your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. While your essay mentions causes and solutions, delve deeper into the analysis of each and ensure that your ideas are developed comprehensively.
Task Achievement
Strive for clear and comprehensive presentations of your ideas. At times, your ideas may appear somewhat general. Offer more detailed explanations and evidence to make your arguments more persuasive and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments. You have some good examples, but consistently integrating specific, detailed examples to support each point will enhance the effectiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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