Many think that secondary and high school students should learn money management as it is an important life skill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that students in their teens ought to study how
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
financial
management
since it is a fundamental
skill
in
life
. I strongly concur with that view for a number of reasons which will be outlined in
this
essay. It is evident that
money
management
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
can help teenagers think more critically. Because
this
skill
will teach them how to use
money
efficently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
and correctly in any case in their
life
.
For instance
, if adolescents are aware of the importance of financial
management
early, they will be less inclined to buy snacks, toys or trendy items that can only be used once, these goods only bring them temporary joy but can leave negative consequences affecting their health and finances.
Thereby
Rephrase
Therefore
show examples
, the earlier students are taught
money
management
skills, the more beneficial it will be for them in the future because they will have a deep and mature understanding of
life
and how to properly use
money
in any case in
life
.
Moreover
, financial
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
can teach young people
gain
Fix the infinitive
to gain
show examples
early awareness and appreciate the
money
their parents
work
hard to earn, as
this
skill
will show
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
how hard it is for adults to
work
hard to earn
money
.
This
will make young people love and appreciate their parents more, thereby making them aware that they should study and
work
hard to make their parents happy.
However
, studying financial
management
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
early can make children stingy, because they will become more careful in using
money
and sometimes they can be selfish in spending for themselves,
such
as buying delicious healthy food or going out with friends less to save
money
.
This
can make it easy for them to become distant from people, and because not spending
money
on healthy food will make their bodies susceptible to illness.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, Being aware of
money
management
early will make teenagers become more pragmatic, they will only do
work
that benefits themselves without caring about others. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
from secondary and high school should be taught about financial
management
.
Submitted by okookk123456 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on creating more cohesive paragraphs by linking ideas more clearly. Use cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, for instance) to better connect your arguments.
coherence cohesion
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • financial responsibility
  • budgeting
  • saving
  • spending
  • prioritizing expenses
  • debts
  • financial commitments
  • building a secure future
  • academic subjects
  • limited resources
  • financial literacy
  • specialized programs
  • qualified teachers
  • diversity of career paths
  • future opportunities
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