Children are now facing educational, social, and commercial pressure. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures can be taken to reduce them?
The
rising
of Replace the word
rise
internet
and social Correct article usage
the internet
media
has bring
significant effects not only on adults but Change the verb form
brought
also
on children
. It lead
them to have to deal with Change the verb form
leads
pressures
in education, social, and commercial since
an early age.
One of the main causes of the problem above is Change preposition
from
because
parent’s Add the preposition
because of
expectation
. Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
Parents
nowadays spent
many of their hours on social Wrong verb form
spend
media
and exposed
to Add a missing verb
are exposed
contents
that Fix the agreement mistake
content
are glorifying
some Wrong verb form
glorifies
children
’s excellent achievements, such
us
: always Correct your spelling
as
get
straight Wrong verb form
getting
A
, winning math Change noun form
A's
competition
, and playing instruments. Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
These
Correct pronoun usage
This
had
led Wrong verb form
has
parents
to rise
their Correct your spelling
raise
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
on
their own Change preposition
of
children
, hoping that the children
would also
be able to do the same, which could then
be something they can upload on their social media
. The possible way to resolve this
issue must come from the parents
themselves; there should be a
clarity from the Remove the article
apply
parents
to decide what contents they consume, a wise judgement to differentiate which expectations are achievable by their children
and which are unrealistic, and more importantly, allowing their children
to enjoy their childhood.
Another causes of why children
have to deal with so many pressures
is because the
exposure of social Change preposition
of the
media
since they are young. Children
, especially those in their teenage year
, have the tendency Fix the agreement mistake
years
of wanting
to be famous or Change preposition
to want
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
in
Change preposition
on
the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
and being
followed by many people. Wrong verb form
be
This
required
them to be able to make many friends, Wrong verb form
requires
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
any
social events, follow trends, Correct quantifier usage
apply
even
Correct word choice
and even
wearing
any specific brand,which will help them to have Wrong verb form
wear
many
Correct word choice
apply
contents
to be viewed as ‘popular Fix the agreement mistake
content
kid
’ on social Fix the agreement mistake
kids
media
as well as
getting
more followers, and give them some sense of pride. Wrong verb form
get
This
problem could be addressed by the parents
sorting out what type of content children
consume, limiting the maximum hours a child can spent
on the Change the verb form
spend
internet
daily, and being
a safe space for their Verb problem
creating
children
to talk about anything that bothers them especially
in their social life.
Add the comma(s)
, especially
To sum up
, nowadays children
are facing many pressures
in education, social, and commercial due to
the increase
usage of Change the verb form
increased
internet
by both Correct article usage
the internet
the
Correct article usage
apply
children
and the
Correct article usage
apply
parents
. The key of
tackling Change preposition
to
such
pressures
is on the parents
; by letting
their Change preposition
to let
children
to
be Change the verb form
apply
children
, providing
a safe environment Wrong verb form
provide
as well as
being a safe place for the children
, guiding
their Wrong verb form
guide
children
when using the internet
, and limiting
the hours spent on the Wrong verb form
limit
internet
.Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you'll be discussing. While you've discussed key issues, your essay could benefit from a clearer statement of your argument at the beginning. Additionally, incorporate a broader range of examples and solutions to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Increasing coherence and cohesion can be achieved by using a range of linking devices and transition words to better connect your ideas. Although your essay presents logical arguments, it can sometimes feel disjointed. Employing phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Consequently,' can help to make your argument flow more smoothly.
general
Your essay shows good potential in addressing the key issues related to pressures faced by children. To improve, refine your introduction and conclusion, ensuring they succinctly encapsulate your main points and provide a final reflection on the topic. Utilizing a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary can also enhance clarity and reader engagement.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.