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Band 5.5

some poeple think that succes in life comes from hard work and deternimation while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance . discuss both view and give your opinion.

#poeple #succes #life #work #deternimation #factors #money #appearance
Nowadays, many individuals believe that success in
life
 begins with desire and difficult
work
,
otherwise
, some
people
 think that
based
Add a missing verb
is based
show examples
 on factors like income and external.
This
 essay agrees that a victorious
life
 comes from
work
 hard and resolution. It must be
regconised
Correct your spelling
recognised
recognized
 that
determination
 and hard
work
 are the focus to having a successful career.
In other words
, if
people
 have a
determination
, they will have many motivation to study or
work
 and gain more knowledge.
For example
, if you want to
admission
Wrong verb form
be admitted
show examples
 to the high top rank university in your city, you must have a big stimulation and
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard
show examples
 study more than ever.
However
, some opinions claim that money and aspect are the important reason to make a successful
life
.
In addition
,
people
 who have a good appearance can make a positive impression on employers, which is the main factor that can
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them make their lives more successful.
This
 point may be true,
however
, the
people
, who make achievements from their
determination
 are still more noticeable than the
people
 who depend on appearance.
For instance
, when you want to apply to a famous company but you don't have talent and strength, but just have external beauty you will not be accepted because they don't need your beauty, what they need is what you can do for their company. From
this
 writer's point of view, I believe that hard
work
 and
determination
 play an important role in a successful
life
.
This
 is because
people
 can not follow their careers if they are not passionate about their jobs.
People
 will not receive anything if they do not
work
 hard. In conclusion, a successful
life
 is based on
people
's
determination
 and hard-working process.
Therefore
,
this
 essay has proven that the former view is better.

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Task Achievement
Focus on clear and detailed examples to support your points more effectively. Incorporate specific scenarios or data to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, progressively develop your arguments from paragraph to paragraph, ensuring a more logical flow of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion succinctly present and summarize your main arguments to improve their effectiveness.
General Advice
Be mindful of spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Accurate language use will improve clarity and professionalism in your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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