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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart depicts the number of the UK population

The chart depicts the number of the UK population
The chart depicts the number of the UK population , measured in percentages, who ingested
five
Use synonyms
portions
Use synonyms
 of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetables
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 between 2001 and 2008. On the whole, Women’s
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Change the noun form
vegetable
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consumption
Use synonyms
 underwent
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
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 rise. Meanwhile, there was a
leveling
Change the spelling
levelling
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 off in children and men’s
consumption
Use synonyms
 before growing for several years. As can be seen from the graph, the number of women eating
five
Use synonyms
portions
Use synonyms
 of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetable a day rose considerably from more than 20% to above 30% between 2001 and 2005. During 2006, The figure went up slightly and reached the highest peak of around 40%.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
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, Women’s
consumption
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
five
Use synonyms
portions
Use synonyms
 of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and vegetables experienced
a
Change the article
an
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 unremarkable fall to a little over 30% from 2007 to 2008. Regarding
Men’s
Correct article usage
the Men’s
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 diet, the proportion of men eating
five
Use synonyms
portions
Use synonyms
 of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetable
Fix the agreement mistake
vegetables
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 remained unchanged
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 18% for the first three years.
However
Linking Words
, there was a sharp growth to nearly 30% in 2006,
then
Linking Words
subsequently
Linking Words
 stayed the same in the following year.
Finally
Linking Words
, the figure experienced a decline
just
Change preposition
of just
show examples
 under 25% in 2008.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 Children’s proportion went through some increase and peaked at approximately 25% in 2007, it still went down to under 25% in 2008. From
this
Linking Words
 point, children had the least
consumption
Use synonyms
 of all three groups of customers.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words five, portions, fruit, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "depicts" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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