IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some countries, a high proportion of criminals acts are committed by teenagers. Why is it the case? What is the solution?

#countries #proportion #criminals #acts #teenagers #case
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The proportion of
criminals
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criminal
show examples
 cases committed by
teenagers
 increased nowadays. Based on
this
 issue, the following will give the cause analysis and solutions. The causes of
teenagers
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
criminals
Change the noun form
criminal
show examples
 acts are concerned by three main view aspects.
Firstly
, the starting point falls into the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
problem of
teenagers
 group.
According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
studies in decades, the
mind
Replace the word
mental
show examples
 health of
teenagers
 has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 a huge concern. Internet,
however
, as the origination of that for spreading fake news, extremism etc, even leads to virtual violence. The transparency and openness of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 provide
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
chances
Change preposition
with chances
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 to touch information,
however
, they fail to digest
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 completely and some of them go
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong way.
Secondly
, the law plays another significant role in
this
 issue. Obviously, the law
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not prevent on time to the happening of
incresingly
Correct your spelling
increasingly
criminals
Change the noun form
criminal
show examples
 cases committed by
teenagers
.
Thirdly
, the education institutions should strengthen their function in the society. The problematic
teenagers
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
given help from their close people in time. For the solutions of
teenagers
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
criminals
, the state must improve the law
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
.
The education
Correct article usage
Education
show examples
 institutions and
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
parents
also
 are necessary
in
Change the preposition
for
show examples
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
guildance
Correct your spelling
guidance
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Provide a clear introduction that presents your essay's structure and objectives. Introduce your main ideas briefly in this section.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, aim to provide more specific examples and data to support your points. This could involve mentioning real-life cases, statistics, or studies related to teenage criminal acts.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure coherence by connecting your ideas more clearly. Use a range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between your points.
coherence and cohesion
For cohesion, structure paragraphs clearly with one main idea per paragraph. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that indicates what the paragraph will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Include a concluding paragraph that summarizes your main points and provides a clear answer to the essay question. Restate your solutions and why they are effective in addressing the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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