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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some says that sports play an important role in society. Others, however,think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#sports #role #society #leisure #activity
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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 different
sports
Use synonyms
 play and
sports
Use synonyms
extremely
Add a missing verb
are extremely
show examples
 important for some
people
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 some think that it is nothing a lot of than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free time. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
sports
Use synonyms
 play
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 superb role in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local
humans
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe
sports
Use synonyms
 play
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is nothing more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure time because most
humans
Use synonyms
the working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 every
day
Use synonyms
. So,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 various
sports
Use synonyms
 play idleness for
humans
Use synonyms
 especially for many young
generation
Change to a plural noun
generations
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, many
people
Use synonyms
 study or work in my country and
also
Linking Words
 some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 do not
sports
Use synonyms
 play and they
are think
Change the verb form
think
show examples
this
Linking Words
 play extremely tedious.
For instance
Linking Words
,
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
 countries
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are different physical
Use synonyms
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 for children and
kid's
Change noun form
kids
show examples
 might get free time
this
Linking Words
 play. So, some young
humans
Use synonyms
 would do not physical
activity
Use synonyms
. From one perspective, some say that
sports
Use synonyms
 play an important role in society because some
people
Use synonyms
there are
Verb problem
have
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
Use synonyms
health
Change preposition
with health
show examples
 if
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
humans
Use synonyms
various
Add a missing verb
do various
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 play every
day
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 they might very
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. So, society
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 extremely important physical
activity
Use synonyms
 for many
humans
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
 should for our life and
also
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 might
sports
Use synonyms
 play in the morning.
For example
Linking Words
 my close friend
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was very
illed
Correct your spelling
ill
 after she
is
Verb problem
played
show examples
 different
sports
Use synonyms
 play every
day
Use synonyms
. One
day
Use synonyms
 my friend
recover
Wrong verb form
recovered
show examples
 from
Ill
Replace the word
illness
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 she is very
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 now.
Moreover
Linking Words
, physical
activity
Use synonyms
 benefits
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, many
people
Use synonyms
 should
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
 exercise every morning. I think
sports
Use synonyms
 important role in society and
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that playing
sports
Use synonyms
 is simply an
activity
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 do for leisure. Personally, I believe very important
sports
Use synonyms
 play in my life and
also
Linking Words
 especially should to some young
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your essay clearly, presenting one view per paragraph and connecting ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, and that your conclusion summarizes your points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Address the task directly, making sure to discuss both views and your own opinion thoroughly.
task achievement
Work on clarity and comprehensiveness in presenting your ideas, avoiding repetition and ensuring each paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
task achievement
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively.
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