At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation

Nowadays several countries have

the

Correct article usage

show examples

really big difference between amounts of aged and

youthful

Correct word choice

young

show examples

humans. There are some benefits and losses in

this

case. No doubt, that a huge quantity of blood is the pledge of

Correct article usage

a nation

show examples

nation

Change noun form

nation's

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existence.

Otherwise

, the minimum of pensioners means that medicine doesn’t work. The main advantage

to have

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of having

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a developed

economics

Replace the word

economy

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is a young population. They allow the state’s life system to function at full capacity. In accordance with the above, if the country has

got

Verb problem

apply

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a good demography it has

got

Verb problem

apply

show examples

the

Change the word

its

show examples

own future.

For example

, The Russian Federation has

big

Add an article

a big

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problem

Change preposition

show examples

this

part; the natural population decline is higher than its natural growth. The government had to provide special programs to support families which have several children. Despite

this

, I believe that everyone will become mature in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

one day. Time passes continuously and constantly,

all

Correct word choice

and all

show examples

of us want to promote healthy ageing for a long life. There is no health without

Correct article usage

apply

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good medicine; especially it is important for aged people

which

Correct pronoun usage

who

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have given

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

debt

for

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the Motherland. Of course, it’s their right to have highly qualified medical care. If the government can’t provide

this

need, it will be doomed.

For example

Change preposition

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early

Correct article usage

the early

show examples

1990’s

Change noun form

1990

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lots of families

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

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emigrated from

the

Correct article usage

apply

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Kazakhstan by

this

case. I am sure that situation will not appear again. In conclusion,

although

young adults can improve their ability to make

future

Correct article usage

the future

show examples

of the state,

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

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without

Remove the article

apply

show examples

normal healthcare

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

, there are no perspectives. A government should

therefore

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the country.

Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on Tue Mar 26 2024

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task achievement

Ensure a clear, direct thesis statement in your introduction to more effectively outline your argument.

coherence cohesion

Focus on developing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

Make sure to proofread your essay to correct grammar and spelling errors, as these can detract from your overall message.

coherence cohesion

Use a variety of sentence structures and richer vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and to better demonstrate your language proficiency.

task achievement

Provide more detailed, specific examples that directly support your claims. This will make your argument more convincing.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

260 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

A big salary is more important. Do you agree or disagree?

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.