Some people think that success life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In today's digital era,

work

Use synonyms

hard and ambition are thought to be important in

successful

Correct article usage

a successful

show examples

life

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

others believe that finance and

appearance

Use synonyms

are the features that

Add a missing verb

are more

show examples

vital.

This

Linking Words

author

agree

Change the verb form

agrees

show examples

with

first

Change the article

the first

show examples

statement

due to

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

stayble

Correct your spelling

stable

and the ability to grow up in the future.

Firstly

Linking Words

, hard

work

Use synonyms

and determination bring a

stayble

Correct your spelling

stable

successful

life

Use synonyms

. To explain, money and

appearance

Use synonyms

only give

people

Use synonyms

success

Use synonyms

in a part of their

life

Use synonyms

however

Linking Words

hard working

Add a hyphen

hard-working

show examples

and determinating bring

success

Use synonyms

Change preposition

for

show examples

the whole of their

life

Use synonyms

, it is because money and

appearance

Use synonyms

just are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

finite things but

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

can hold

hard working

Add a hyphen

hard-working

show examples

and determinating in their whole

life

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, the models compare with the entrepreneurs, the models

only

Add a missing verb

are only

show examples

popular and

Use synonyms

success

Replace the word

successful

show examples

in their youth by their

appearance

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

the entrepreneurs

using

Wrong verb form

use

show examples

their

ambitious

Replace the word

ambition

show examples

and hard

work

Use synonyms

to have

success

Use synonyms

in all

Use synonyms

life time

Correct your spelling

lifetime

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

, these characters can help

people

Use synonyms

develope

Correct your spelling

develop

in the future.

In other words

Linking Words

, hard

work

Use synonyms

can be a spur pedal

people

Use synonyms

continue

Fix the infinitive

to continue

show examples

to go higher unlimitly in the future.

For example

Linking Words

, Pham Nhat Vuong is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

CEO of Vin

group

Capitalize word

Group

show examples

, in spite of his

success

Use synonyms

continue

Change the verb form

continues

show examples

to push his company up to be

Change the word

apply

show examples

bigger. In conclusion, hard

work

Use synonyms

and determination can help

people

Use synonyms

go higher and

futher

Correct your spelling

further

in their

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

while

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

who have money and

appearance

Use synonyms

only

Use synonyms

success

Replace the word

succeed

show examples

in a part of their

Use synonyms

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue Mar 26 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Improvement

Develop a clear thesis statement in your introduction, articulating your personal viewpoint directly and clearly.

Paragraph Structure

Structure your main body paragraphs clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a single idea, supported by specific examples or evidence.

Linking Words

Use a range of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.

Task Response

You should ensure you discuss both views as the prompt requests, before providing your own opinion. Make sure to allocate a balanced amount of text to each view discussed.

Language Accuracy

Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance the accuracy of your language use.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

233 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The government spends a lot of financial resources on the educational side of scholars, while it is considered that the after-school and spare time activities should gain the most financial attention of the government. High-quality education should be always examined while investing money in students and scholars, which can turn students into better specialists, and better specialists have a bigger impact on the world and society, although attending better after-school activities, a bigger desire to continue to educate awakens learners.
8
band
Parents should encourage their children to spend less time on studying and more time on physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is sometimes argued that parents should convince their kids to take the time to do physical activities rather than study. Personally, I completely agree with the statement for several reasons which will be given out in this essay.
<4
band
The process below shows about make bread in factory.
The process illustrates how breads are manufactured in the shapes of baguettes and white bread. It is apparent that there are about five distinct stages, starting with the mixing of special ingredients and ending with the final step of putting them into the oven.
7.5
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
people have different views about the primary reasons for environmental issues throughout the world. Some consider the extinction of specific breeds of plants and animals to be the main cause of the problem, while others including me believe that other concerns are more prior.
6.5
band
Some people view teenage conflict with their parents a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
People have different views on whether or not arguments between teenagers and their parents

Some people think that success life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Your opinion

Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents should encourage their children to spend less time on studying and more time on physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The process below shows about make bread in factory.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people view teenage conflict with their parents a necessary part of growing up, whilst others see it as something negative which should be avoided. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.