Some people think that success life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.
In today's digital era,
work
hard and ambition are thought to be important in successful
Correct article usage
a successful
life
while
others believe that finance and appearance
are the features that more
vital. Add a missing verb
are more
This
author agree
with Change the verb form
agrees
first
statement Change the article
the first
due to
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
stayble
and the ability to grow up in the future.
Correct your spelling
stable
Firstly
, hard work
and determination bring a stayble
successful Correct your spelling
stable
life
. To explain, money and appearance
only give people
success
in a part of their life
, however
, hard working
and determinating bring Add a hyphen
hard-working
success
in
the whole of their Change preposition
for
life
, it is because money and appearance
just are the
finite things but Correct article usage
apply
human
can hold Fix the agreement mistake
humans
hard working
and determinating in their whole Add a hyphen
hard-working
life
. For example
, the models compare with the entrepreneurs, the models only
popular and Add a missing verb
are only
success
in their youth by their Replace the word
successful
appearance
while
the entrepreneurs using
their Wrong verb form
use
ambitious
and hard Replace the word
ambition
work
to have success
in all life time
.
Correct your spelling
lifetime
Secondly
, these characters can help people
to develope
in the future. Correct your spelling
develop
In other words
, hard work
can be a spur pedal people
continue
to go higher unlimitly in the future. Fix the infinitive
to continue
For example
, Pham Nhat Vuong is a
CEO of Vin Correct article usage
the
group
, in spite of his Capitalize word
Group
success
he continue
to push his company up to be Change the verb form
continues
more
bigger.
In conclusion, hard Change the word
apply
work
and determination can help people
go higher and futher
in their Correct your spelling
further
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
while
people
who have money and appearance
only success
in a part of their Replace the word
succeed
life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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Introduction Improvement
Develop a clear thesis statement in your introduction, articulating your personal viewpoint directly and clearly.
Paragraph Structure
Structure your main body paragraphs clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a single idea, supported by specific examples or evidence.
Linking Words
Use a range of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
Task Response
You should ensure you discuss both views as the prompt requests, before providing your own opinion. Make sure to allocate a balanced amount of text to each view discussed.
Language Accuracy
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and enhance the accuracy of your language use.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?