Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance

Nowadays, many individuals believe that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

successfully

achieve

Wrong verb form

achieving

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goals in life

require

Correct subject-verb agreement

requires

show examples

hard work and dedication even though others have an opinion that money and appearance are the

factor

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factors

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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success.

This

writer will analyze both points of

view

and say why I agree with the second

viewpoints

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viewpoint

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. First of all, determination and hard work are the keys to success. The main reason

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for

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this

point of

view

is that by being hard-working people can effortlessly

fulfill

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fulfil

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their

dream

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dreams

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the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

handle problems willingly when they are determined.

For example

, entrepreneurs

would

Verb problem

are

show examples

likely to encounter problems during their first startup of a business only the determined who constantly trying to improve themselves day by day shall

rise

Verb problem

apply

show examples

eventually be successful.

However

, people’s wealth and presence

also

act as important factors for a human’s

achieve

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achievement

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. It can be clearly seen that those who are

good looking

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good-looking

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and wealthy usually get the approval and respect

from

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other

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others

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. That way, they can

Verb problem

achieve

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achievement

easier

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easily

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than the ones who do not have money and good looks,

also

they do not have to spend a large of their dedication and diligence on being successful.

For instance

, on the

Tiktok

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TikTok

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platform, people who look good and cool will often attract a lot of attention from users, from which they get many advertising contracts and become successful from there. I totally agree with

this

view

, because almost

people

Correct determiner usage

all people

show examples

who

using

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use

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social media

will be

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are

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attracted by the ones who have beautiful

appearance

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appearances

show examples

rich

Add a missing verb

are rich

show examples

. In conclusion, becoming

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a success

show examples

success

Replace the word

successful

show examples

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through

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

diligence and dedication or

have

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having

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a good look and

rich

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being rich

show examples

are the best ideas, but the second

view

will be easier

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

than the first one if you are famous on the internet.

Submitted by nguyenkhuyenhcmcs4k11 on Tue Mar 26 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure a strong thesis statement in your introduction to present your opinion clearly.

Coherence and Cohesion

Enhance clarity by using varied sentence structures and linking words to connect ideas more effectively.

Task Achievement

Develop your body paragraphs more fully to support your points with clear, specific examples and detailed explanations.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on grammatical accuracy and range to improve the overall readability and professionalism of your essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Revise your conclusion to more effectively summarize your key points and restate your opinion, ensuring a strong, coherent finish to your essay.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people think students should study the science of food and how to prepare it. Others think that school time should be used in learning important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Due to television and the internet it is easier today for a large number of people to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What are reasons for it? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?