IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that if children behave badly they parent should accept responsibility for the behaviour of children. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #children #parent #responsibility #behaviour
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There is a sentiment that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
responsible if their
children
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
behave badly. I state my position on the agree side because of the following reasons.
First,
Linking Words
it is already their nature to accept responsibility, since their
children
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's bad attitudes
subliminally
Add a missing verb
are subliminally
show examples
 the reflection of their
parents
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' wrongdoings.
During people
Correct word choice
People
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their childhood
period deem
Wrong verb form
deemed
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 to conform
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 closest bystanders. In
this
Linking Words
 case, if
children
Use synonyms
 are judged to have a high intimacy with their
parents
Use synonyms
, it can be said that their
parents
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 will be a good exemplification for them to behave in certain ways.
For example
Linking Words
, recent research by psychological students
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Minnessota
Correct your spelling
Minnesota
 University successfully revealed that 87% of their toddler subjects were likely to follow the exposed attitudes of their
parents
Use synonyms
. Specifically, the research unveiled that
parents
Use synonyms
 who
drug
Correct subject-verb agreement
drugs
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, drink alcohol, and smoke, were potentially followed by their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
, and those actions will
preserve
Wrong verb form
be preserved
show examples
 until their adulthood period. The research result subliminally indicates that
parents
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 are the
frontliner
Fix the agreement mistake
frontliners
show examples
 who
responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible
show examples
 for the construction of their
children
Use synonyms
's acts;
thus
Linking Words
, it is acceptable to say that they should be the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who take responsibility when their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 behave badly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the act of acceptance can be an effective
way
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 to discipline
children
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. By reflecting upon their wrongdoings, they will have
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
room to learn
differentiate
Fix the infinitive
to differentiate
show examples
 between good and bad, which later will help
children
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 to develop their good character. An experimental
reserach
Correct your spelling
research
 from Sheffield University has confirmed that the experiment group
parents
Use synonyms
, who gladly take their
children
Use synonyms
's bad attitudes, will end up
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 more interaction with and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 advice to their
children
Use synonyms
 about good and bad behaviours.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 the final comparison encapsulated that in the later period,
children
Use synonyms
 with
parents
Use synonyms
 from the experiment group were likely to behave in a good
way
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 compared to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 counterparts.
To conclude
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, I agree with the
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that
parents
Use synonyms
 should gladly accept if their
children
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 behave in a wrong
way
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 because the exposed wrongdoings may come from the conformity of
parents
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' bad attitude and it can be an effective
way
Use synonyms
 to discipline
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to succinctly express your stance and preview the main ideas you will discuss. This will help in making your position and the structure of your essay immediately clear to the reader.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all subsequent sentences within the paragraph directly support that main idea. Avoid including information or examples that do not directly relate to the main point of the paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitional phrases more effectively between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas. This includes using words and phrases like 'Additionally', 'Consequently', and 'For instance' to better signal shifts in focus or to add supporting information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Review and revise your essay to eliminate repetitive sentences or ideas, and to ensure varied sentence structures. This will make your writing more engaging and dynamic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • environment
  • instilling
  • moral values
  • discipline
  • influence
  • negate
  • individuality
  • act out
  • external factors
  • peer influence
  • broader societal issues
  • solely
  • community
  • social institutions
  • overly accountable
  • stress
  • unfair blame
What to do next:
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