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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as many and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #appearance
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According to
 some people, if you
work
 hard and possess enough
determination
, you will achieve success in life. Others,
however
, insist that money and looks play a greater role in helping a person succeed. In my opinion, both views have their merits
while
 good looks or money alone can not help a person succeed, in many factors, hard
work
 or
determination
 is not sufficient either. When you
work
 hard with
determination
, your chances of success increase exponentially.
For example
, students who
work
 hard have higher chances of succeeding in competitive exams.
Likewise
, in the field of science and technology, hard
work
 and the never say die
sprirt
Correct your spelling
spirit
 are the main factors that help a person succeed. A scientist or a
technocraf
Correct your spelling
technocrat
 does not have to be handsome or beautiful to succeed.
Likewise
, an entrepreneur, doctor or
lawer
Correct your spelling
lawyer
 does not hard to have
attractive
Correct article usage
an attractive
show examples
 look. So, obviously, in fields like these hard
work
 and
determination
 are definitely the key to success.
Furthermore
, there are some who believe money is everything in life, it could help you
famous
Add a missing verb
be famous
show examples
 and well-known.
In addition
 to being wealthy, being good-looking
also
 leads you to the same.
Although
 it is somehow correct, in my opinion, there is much less chance of
this
. In view of
this
, we rarely see a wealthy human, who reaches their goal without being dedicated or
whereas
 without working brutally before reaching
this
.
Besides
, being affluent without working will eventually lead to failure.
For instance
, a businessman will never succeed only by being rich. In conclusion, everything mentioned and both views are all keys to reaching what you want.
However
, it is all about passion and dedication rather than being good-looking without working hard to succeed.
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
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Task Achievement
Strive for clarity and depth in presenting your ideas. This means not just stating an opinion, but also elaborating on it in a way that clearly communicates your reasoning and connects with the reader.
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